ITT: i am allergic to myself

Cholinergic Urticaria. The allergy to acetyl choline (which, if you know anything about physiology, is the major neurotransmitter of the body, found in nearly every nerve you have). Allergic reaction in the form of hives resulting from any of the following:

heat
cold
sweat
exercise
sunlight
water (chlorinated, salt, and pure)
anxiety/stress
physical contact/pressure