ITT: Jokes about domestic violence!

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

What's the first thing a woman does when she get's home from the battered women's shelter?

The Fuckin' dishes if she knows what's good for her.

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At the World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own wash, but mine too."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

 

[El Stormo]

Australia? For us that joke ends with a muslem woman.

 

[Shpongled]

hahaha second joke is a good spin on the ol "beat the woman" dialect.

I LOLed.

 

[EricT]

What do you call a woman with one black eye?

A fast learner.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

Punch the bitch in the face and tell her to get the fuck back to work.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Punch her in the face and hand the bitch a shovel.

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

This thread is a success.

 

[EricT]

Whats the difference between a woman and an onion?

I don't cry when I cut up my wife.

 

[Anvil]

 

[Dead Winter]

Why doesn't a woman need a watch?

There's a clock on the stove.

Why did the woman cross the road?

Who cares? What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

 

[El Stormo]

What should a man do when his wife walks into the living room?

- shorten the chain





How do muslems reproduce?

- The man jacks off on the wall and the flies do the rest