joke anybody?
- Thread starter SaintJoshy
- Start date
Sullen Jester
Corporate Executive
RETIREDTrapped
New Metal Member
- Sep 12, 2001
- 8,312
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This guy walks into a bar and 2 steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar but
doesn't really care cause he really wants a drink.
When the gay waiter approaches and says to the customer: "What's the name of your penis?" the customer says: "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink".
The gay waiter says: "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis".
So the customer say: "All right, what's the name of your penis?"
The waiter says: "NIKE... you know, JUST DO IT".
The customer thinks for a moment and says, "The name of my penis is SECRET".
The waiter says: "Secret?"
The customer says: "Yeah... STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR A WOMEN!!!"
doesn't really care cause he really wants a drink.
When the gay waiter approaches and says to the customer: "What's the name of your penis?" the customer says: "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink".
The gay waiter says: "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis".
So the customer say: "All right, what's the name of your penis?"
The waiter says: "NIKE... you know, JUST DO IT".
The customer thinks for a moment and says, "The name of my penis is SECRET".
The waiter says: "Secret?"
The customer says: "Yeah... STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR A WOMEN!!!"
bleed for me
Member
tom, dick and harry are walking in the jungle when suddenly they get caught by hostile tribesmen. after they're taken back to the tribes camp that tribe leader says to them that they have two choices : "death" or "poomba". Tom figures that anything is better than death so he chooses "poomba". The whole tribe anally rapes tom and he is then set free....dick thinking is the same as tom's so he chooses poomba and after he is anally raped he's set free....harry is homophobic and want's to die a straight man so he chooses death. the tribe leader acknowledges his decision and announces to his tribe " this man chooses death....by POOMBA"
this gay guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, but the bartender says "i'll give you a beer, but you have to go drink it in the corner, cuz we don't take kindly to queers." so the gay guy goes and sits in the corner. then a farmer walks and is really thirsty because he had been working hard all day. he goes up to the bartender and says "man, i'm so thirsty i could lick the sweat off a cows balls." just as the farmer finishes that sentence he hears a shy "moo" come from the corner.
Raoul J.
Member
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons embarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons embarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?
27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
bleed for me
Member
Wolff
New Metal Member
- May 9, 2001
- 2,794
- 1
- 0
Some of the best newspaper headlines of the past year (or so)...
March Planned for Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked - Thief Gives Police the Slip
Diaper Market Bottoms out
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
March Planned for Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked - Thief Gives Police the Slip
Diaper Market Bottoms out
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Belial
Rainbow Demon
There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them.
St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time."
St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven.
Now it was the second man's turn.
St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him."
St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.
After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard."
St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time."
St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven.
Now it was the second man's turn.
St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.
The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him."
St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.
After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard."
