Joke

[Wolff]

One NY suburban guy left for work on Sept 11 at about 6:00AM to go to his office in the World Trade Centre.

When he got to Manhattan he went to his lover's apartment in the village, turned his cell phone off, and climbed into bed with her.

At about 10:00AM, while still lying next to her, he turned his cell phone on, and a second later it rang.

He answered, and it was his wife who screamed at him, "Where are you? I've been trying to call you for an hour. I've been worried sick about you!!!"

So he answered, "Where do you think I am? I'm in my office!!!"

D'Oh!



I take it that once his lady found out, she wished he'd actually gone to work.

 

[_Transparent_]

, heres another one, not that good though:

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4
parachutes. The first passenger, said, I'm Kobe Bryant, The best NBA
Basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.." So he took
the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former
President of the
United States, I am the most ambitious woman in the world, I am also a New
York Senator and a potential future President." She just took the second
parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W Bush, said, "I'm President of the United
States, I have a
great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And above all
I'm the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't
let me die". So he put on the pack
next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, The Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old
school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a
Christian I will sacrifice my life and let
you have the last parachute.

The boy said, "It's Ok, there's a parachute left for you. America's
cleverest President has taken my school backpack."

 

[Kushantaiidan]

LOL RMLOOLFFFEL ROOATMMOFFLWE!!

i hate jokes.

 

[luke]

President Bush dies and he immediately goes to hell where he is greeted by a somewhat distraught Satan.
'Well George, you're certainly on the list, but we just don't have the room right now. However, there are a few people here who weren't quite as bad as you, so I'll let one of them go and you can take their place.'
They walk down a firey hallway and Satan shows him to a room in which there is a large pool. Richard Nixon is in the pool, forever diving to the bottom and coming up empty handed. 'Weeell, I'm not so good in the water,' says Bush, 'let's see what else you've got.'
So they proceed to another chamber in which Ronald Reagan is seated with a huge pile of rocks, forever swinging a hammer to ruduce the pile. 'Hmm, this doesn't exactly suit me either,' says Bush. And they move on to a third room. Inside Bill Clinton is tied naked and spread eagled to the wall, and Monica Lewinsky is there doing her thing. Bush takes one look and says, 'now there's something I could handle.'
So Satan says, 'alright Monica, you're free to go.'

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

Very nice one luke!

 

[Ihsahn]

I don't really know any good George W. jokes, but I have a few others...

Two sperm are swimming, and one says to the other "Hey, when do we get to the uterus?"
The other one says, "The uterus? We have to get down the esophagus first!"

 

[TravestyOfMan]

Urgghhhh.... that conjures up some scary images Luke. You're a sick puppy

 

[Wolff]

Ten Things Not To Say During Sex:
1. Could you please pass the remote?
2. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
3. I have a confession to make....
4. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died on that bed?
5. Don't mind me, I always file my nails in bed.
6. (in a phone booth) Would you mind if I made a few phone calls?
7. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
8. Did I remember to take my pill?
9. No really...I do this part better by myself!
10. You know you're almost as good as my ex!

Q:What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A:'Hey y'all... Watch this!'

 

[Orchid]

Bush and bin Laden played a game of chess. Who won?

- bin Laden, 'cuz Bush was short of two towers.



Ah, why do I always find the politically most incorrect ones to be the most amusing?

 

[TyrantOfFlames]

Those are some pretty one-clap jokes. Here's my praise: <Clap> just one.

P.S. I could win chess without my rooks. I don't know if W. can though, besides, bin Laden has no queen, at least not one that can do anything but hide. He has plenty of bishops and pawns, though.

 

[Russell]

One thing, who's idea of hell is it to be being given a blow job?

 

[TyrantOfFlames]

You missed the point there. It was Monica's hell to endlessly give Clinton a blowjob. She was relieved and Bush took her place. The assumption is that that's not really Clinton, just a standing to carry out Lewinsky's hell.

 

[Rusty]

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff.

 

[Russell]

Originally posted by TyrantOfFlames
You missed the point there. It was Monica's hell to endlessly give Clinton a blowjob. She was relieved and Bush took her place. The assumption is that that's not really Clinton, just a standing to carry out Lewinsky's hell.

Ah, sorry I'm slow today. Heh, like the aero advert - (anyone seen this if not it won't make sense) - who would say no to a dancing mouse?