I'm not the best person who could give advice or could deem, but well... I listened to this your recording and if I can be blunt I think that it wasn't that bad, ok, but it wasn't that good too.
I mean... with more practice it will get better, and a lot of practice is required, in my opinion.
I don't know... obviously we can understand that it's "Kissing The Shadows", but there are many passages that must be cured more and more....
It almost seems to me that you try to play parts without even have a proper control of your fingers, some notes are too short or very different (compared to the orginal CoB version) or also not crystal too, cause yet you are thinking to keep the speed... sorry.
But well, anyway keep practising... never stop, and be patient.