Little Stevie On...

[Novembers Paul]

LITTLE STEVIE ON ...GETTING OLDER

Little STEVIE was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little STEVIE replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little STEVIE, "he minded his own fucking business!!"

 

[Novembers Paul]

LITTLE STEVIE ON...PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little STEVIE.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little STEVIE says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little STEVIE replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with The wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

 

[Novembers Paul]

LITTLE STEVIE ON... MATH

Little STEVIE returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied STEVIE.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference? " asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

 

[Novembers Paul]

LITTLE STEVIE ON...ENGLISH

Little STEVIE goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
STEVIE says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little STEVIE, that's a mouthful."
Little STEVIE says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

 

[Novembers Paul]

LITTLE STEVIE ON...GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully" responded Michael.
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little STEVIE. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

 

[chupe666]

I heard these, but I thought his name was little Sparky and I somehow incorporated them into my memories of 1st grade, thinking I went to school with little Sparky. Which I did, but I don't think it's the same little Sparky.