LULZ

[mutantllama]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml.../26/nsex126.xml

Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 1:21pm BST 26/10/2007

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

 

[False Joe]

Okay, I can understand the pavement thing, but the bike was IN HIS ROOM.

Are they expecting him to walk through London, pushing people off their bikes and raping the aforementioned object?

 

[cookiecutter]

lulz aside, I think it is insane to put him in the sex offender list. That is nothing more than a very odd form of masturbation.

 

[mutantllama]

Hide your bikes people!

 

[cookiecutter]

How does one even have sex with a bike?

 

[Zephyrus]

How does one even have sex with a bike?

Remove the seat and go for a ride.

 

[False Joe]

How does one even have sex with a bike?

If you've got a thin enough penis, the handlebars have holes in them.

 

[mutantllama]

Or you could always take it.

 

[Triton]

That sounds dangerous as in having sex with a bike can have a very high chance of you getting hurt.

 

[ThisIsACoolName]

If having sex with a bike is wrong then I don't want to be right.

 

[A8]

This is stupid. He was in his room, minding his own business, and making merry with a bicycle. It's just like Peewee who was arrested for masturbating in a porno theatre....like he was the only one doing it. If this guy was by himself, with the door locked as well, then this isnt a matter for the police. It would be different if he was in a park or something.


Still unusual though

 

[A8]

I guess you're right, but there were other people masturbating there as well, which makes it stupid that he was the only one arrested.

 

[The Ozzman]

while speeding through a construction zone

 

[A8]

I dont even drive yet I know that when you speed through a construction zone your ticket is doubled.

 

[The Ozzman]

but Nec is bitching because there was no construction taking place, so he thinks that means it's okay for him to speed through it anyway.

 

[Zephyrus]

I tend to speed a bit and my father so far is rather surprised I haven't gotten a ticket, or had any accidents since I've gotten my license 2 years ago.

 

[The Ozzman]

I speed too, but I'm not going to bitch when I get pulled over for going 10 over in a construction zone. I'm pretty vigilant when it comes to that type of stuff though.

 

[Zephyrus]

Yeah I was taught all the tricks of knowing when the fuzz are on the prowl.

 

[A8]

LOL at the fuzz, i haven't heard them called that in a while

 

[Zephyrus]

I thank my father for incorporating that into my lexicon.