Melodic hardcore song (Need some feedback on writing this song.)

[Ze4th0x]

So I've been writing this song for about a week via FL studio. Tell me what you think about the writing (not mixing or production quality) so far, any suggestions?



EDIT: I'm contemplating if the last 35 second breakdown should be a part of a new song?

 

[Headof75]

For this style of music I would be expecting to hear a strong verse/chorus based vocal so It's difficult to comment on structure and arrangement without that in place.
Just one word of warning - your chorus-like melodic riff sounds very close to Linkin Park's one riff (it's in every song they've ever done), which will obviously carry a lot of baggage of its own. I actually quite like the breakdown at the end as is, but don't develop the idea - use the basic riff as at 4:32 and perhaps fade out. Very Machine Head a la Burn My Eyes, but don't add the lead line at 5:00. Post again with your vox ideas please.

 

[Heabow]

The chorus sounds like a Mnemic song to me - I could easily imagine Guillaume layering vocals on this. Not familiar with this kind of music tho.