I love press releases! I hate most everything else in the world, including air, but I do like press releases. It's one of the few joys I have. They're always so full of shit that it makes my job so much easier. So you can only imagine how happy I was when this press release from Dokken landed in my emails!
Before I unleashed my mocking, I thought I'd dig up my past PR Bullshit Rules that I wrote a few years ago. I might use one or two of these for this press release so I want you, the Sludgeaholic, to know what I'm referring to.
PR Bullshit Rule #1: When in doubt, mention the USA and how proud the bands are to be from the USA. Fans eat that shit up, even though it has nothing to do with the tour or the bands.
PR Bullshit Rule #2: Try to associate with something that is currently successful, even though it has NOTHING to do with the tour. This is also called name dropping.
PR Bullshit Rule #3: Make it sound like people are talking about the tour, even though nobody is.
PR Bullshit Rule #4: Make it sound like if the fans don't attend, they'll miss some huge shit, even though there is nothing huge to see.
PR Bullshit #5: Make it sound like the band created something that no other band ever did, even though they did nothing of the sort.
PR Bullshit #6: List past albums regardless of how few copies they sold.
Not all these rules will be used for this Dokken release but some of them will be. Now onto the fun!
DOKKEN RETURNS WITH NEW STUDIO ALBUM 'HELL TO PAY'
ON SANCTUARY RECORDS ON JULY 13, 2004
MELODIC HARD ROCK ON 'HELL TO PAY' REMINISCENT OF CLASSIC SOUND
If the group Dokken ever heard the famous quote by Andy Warhol that everybody gets 15 minutes of fame, it seems someone forgot to tell them. Just because they never heard it doesn't mean it's not true! After 20 years the group continues to have a major recording contract This is from the same label that has signed Kelly Osbourne, so it's obvious they're not exactly being picky. as well as a loyal fan base every band, from the local band down your street, has a fan base. I would hope if you were in any sort of band you would have some sort of fan base, no matter how small or how much you sucked. allowing them to "still follow their bliss and make a living at it" as singer and founder of the group Don Dokken puts it. The group is slated for a July 13, 2004, release for their latest recording 'Hell to Pay' on Sanctuary Records.
"I used to think if you had talent that's all you needed to survive the music business. If that's true, then what are you still doing in the music business? After all these years I've come to realize you need an equal amount of luck!" and a good wig says Don.
The 12 songs on 'Hell to Pay' include: "The Last Goodbye," about Dokken's record sales "Don't Bring Me Down," "Escape," about Don's hair escaping from his head "Haunted," "Prozac Nation," about the Dokken camp "Care for You," "Better Off Before," "Still I'm Sad," about Dokken's record sales "I Surrender," "Letter to Home," "Can You See" and "Care for You (Unplugged Version)."
The group kicks off yet another world tour Is anybody impressed about a band going on a "world tour" anymore? By the way, playing a few dates in Canada doesn't equal a world tour, either. June 17 to promote their new CD "and have some fun" as drummer "Wild" Mick Brown puts it. Unlike some of their peers, the group has survived member changes, drugs, alcohol and egos, almost! What does Warrant, Ratt, L.A. Guns, Skid Row, Enuff Z'Nuff, Kiss, and Poison have to do with anything? Uh, you're talking about Dokken, I'm sorry. Changing members, dealing with drugs, alcohol, and egos and continuing on isn't exactly a rare thing with this genre of music. It's not even a rare thing here at Metal Sludge! Qualities that seemed to be almost mandatory during the '80s and '90s for a rock band. They have been often lumped into the title of hair band, which they are even though the group had already been established as a multiplatinum arena act by 1983. Which is fucking when hairbands were taking over!!! Had they been an arena act in the 70s, they could claim they aren't a hairband, but they had their success in the 80s and had big ass, ridiculous hair and toured with all the other hairbands. They were in Metal Edge every month and looked the part. Thus, you're a fucking hairband. Their videos were a staple in the early days of the then fledgling MTV and continued on into the late '80s. Which were some of the most cheesiest rock videos of all time. Some of their videos made Poison's videos look like a Tool video.
"We've always taken our music very seriously. If you had only taken the quality of your wigs just as serious. But I think it's healthy when you can be self-deprecating," says Don, commenting about a recent show. And Don certainly has enough to be self-deprecating about. "We were headlining a concert last summer with a lot of other '80s bands. Yet they're not a hairband, right? When we arrived in town we heard a radio commercial that the show was being promoted as a hair ball fest. We bought a can of extra-hold Aqua Net and put our hair as high as we could get it. When we hit the stage we were laughing so hard at each other we barely made it through the first song. Dave Chappelle look out! With hilarious hijinx like that, somebody get Don Dokken his own half hour comedy show! We've never considered ourselves a pop band, we've had commercial hits but we've always prided ourselves for our heavy edge."
Dokken has shared the stage with rock acts such as AC/DC, Metallica, Aerosmith, Judas Priest, Van Halen, Kiss, Scorpions, as well as Bon Jovi, just to name a few. PR Bullshit Rule #2. "When people ask us who we've toured with we just say EVERYBODY!" says Don. And when asked who you've managed to piss off, you also say EVERYBODY!
The band hit stadium status in 1988, playing in front of over a million fans in just five weeks. Excuse me, I believe the only reason they were playing stadiums had to do with a few other bands on the bill, namely Van Halen, Metallica, and the Scorpions. Their current LP at the time 'Back For the Attack' had sold over 1 million copies in just 21 days. In the days before Sound Scan. It seemed Dokken was on the verge of superstardom. But like so many other bands that have come before and after them the lead singer went bald? Dokken broke up in 1989.
"It's tough to go from nothing to everything and no one to guide you or say stop. We made millions and spent millions but none of it on therapy," says Don dryly.
In 1994 the legendary A&R man John Kalodner moved to Sony Music. Kalodner has been credited for reviving many groups' careers with similar breakup problems most notably Aerosmith. And that was also the last band he revived because the other bands he signed, Ratt, Great White and Cinderella (who never even released an album) didn't do a whole lot. Even though it was at the height of the Seattle grunge sound phase and groups like Dokken were out of vogue Kalodner offered Dokken a recording contract on the condition the group had to be original members.
"I hadn't spoken to the other members in five years but I made the call anyway to the other members. I figured we'd had five years to grow up," says Don laughingly. Ohhhh sweet Jesus, that is funny!
God damn that Don Dokken, he's one funny mother fucker! "I figured we'd had five years to grow up." I....I.....I can't stop fucking laughing! Oh shit, I just pissed my pants! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Man, this guy needs to be doing standup! (sarcasm mode turned off) The group released the appropriately titled 'Dysfunctional' in 1995 selling 250,000 copies which by the mid '90s was considered by industry standards very respectable. Dokken was really happy and excited, but just as they were on the verge of releasing a second single, filming a video, starting a world tour there's that world tour again and "taking it all the way," as Don puts it, the baggage from their past reared its ugly head, and again the group began to unravel. Just like Don's hair. Soon after guitarist George Lynch again left the group. "It was really a shame," says "Wild" Mick Brown. "We were on a roll! Cocaine's a helluva drug! It seems lead singers and guitarists are always at odds, it's been going on since before the Beatles." Of course Mick and Don have never gotten into a fist fight, huh?
"Don Dokken on surviving fame."
"I think it should be mandatory that all recording contracts have the stipulation that their artists go to marriage counseling together at least once a month." There's Don Chappelle once again with his hilarious comments! I'm literally rolling on the floor, laughing my fucking ass off! See, there goes my ass, it just feel off! Ooooohhh weeeeeeee, that's some funny shit! (sarcasm mode turned off again)
The group signed to CMC International/Sanctuary Records in 1995 and continued to forge forward. With new guitar wizard Jon Levin He's a wizard? What is this, Dungeons & Dragons? Can he cast spells too? on board the group has "gone back to their roots," everybody ends up "back at their roots" after they try to put out current sounding material that fails as he puts it, with 'Hell to Pay,' their sixth CD for Sanctuary. "We just recorded what we liked not what's in fashion musically this week," says Levin. You and every other 80s band who is putting out CDs.
In the last year between recording their new CD Dokken has performed with a crop of new groups such as Sevendust, Trapt, Eve 6 and Staind. PR Bullshit Rule #2. Playing one radio show with a few new bands doesn't mean that new bands wanted to play with you. They try to make it sound like they toured with these bands when in reality they just did one show with them. None of these bands had any say as to who was on the bill.
"It's really a trip when a new generation of fans knows all the words to your songs even though some of them were written 15 years ago or more. It puts a big smile on your face and reminds us that good songs can stand the test of time," says Dokken bassist Barry Sparks on performing with Staind to a soldout audience of 10,000. This is cute. I like how they made it sound like it was just Dokken and Staind playing together in front of 10,000. Actually, it was a one time radio show in Charlotte, NC, called Weenie Roast #9 with Staind, Eve 6, Lo-Pro, Sevendust, Trapt, etc. With that lineup, chances are the promoters had Dokken on the bill as comedy relief, or somebody got Dokken and Distrubed confused. Both bands start with D and have bald lead singers so I guess it could happen.
This is typical press release mis-direction and bullshit. You don't hear Staind or Sevendust putting out press releases bragging about playing with Dokken, do you?
Dokken exploded out of the boiling hard rock/heavy metal scene in Los Angeles in the early 1980s. 1983's 'Breaking the Chains,' with its catchy title track, set the stage for Dokken becoming the most dominant creative and commercial force in the world of melodic hard rock. PR Bullshit #5. Really, they were the most dominant creative and commercial force in the world? Says who? Did I miss a vote? I can think of quite a few other bands from that time that did pretty well too. Dokken was successful but they weren't close to being the most creative and dominant musical force in melodic hard rock. 'Tooth and Nail,' 'Under Lock and Key' and 'Back For the Attack' all became platinum selling smashes and the live 'Beast From the East' went gold. Songs like "Alone Again," "Just Got Lucky," "Into the Fire," "In My Dreams," "Unchain the Night," "Dream Warriors," "Burning Like a Flame" and "Heaven Sent" are among the genre's finest.
Not only has Dokken survived that could be debated and kept their loyal fans in a time when people's tastes change as fast as Britney Spears' wardrobe, PR Bullshit Rule #2. they have been embraced by a whole new generation of rock fans. Where? They say a cat has nine lives and it seems Dokken is enjoying more than a few as well. PR Bullshit Rule # 7 (New): Always end a press release with some cute little saying.
For all the latest Dokken news and up-to-date tour information, visit www.dokken.net.
The fun and games never ends.
I'm out like Jeff Pilson and George Lynch in Dokken,
OZZY STILLBOURNE
