More tales from Stupid Job Applications, Inc

Wenda

Lady LORD
Jul 28, 2003
407
0
38
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In a windowless void
www.myspace.com
Ahaha. Some people like to consider themselves jokers. This is a job application I just got through our system for a BHP Billiton Contracts Officers position in Mackay.



Resume
First Name: Andy
Surname: Mann
Home Address: NSW at present, But mobile
e-mail <snip'd>
Date of Birth: 1 st April 1952.
Sex: I am not too bothered these days .

From 2003 to date
I have been working as a buyer at several sheep farms along the NSW coast and in land a little. This was until recently a buying and selling position, I would buy for practically nothing and in some instances this was the case, if you know what I mean and then selling cheap to a farmer a few hundred miles away where the brand mark was not known.

From 2002 to 2003
I have been working as a buyer at several horse ranches near Ayres Rock, similar to above but not with sheep.

From 2001 to 2002
I have been working as a procurement person for a very large family, this was more or less my own family, I did the weekly shopping when my benefit cheque came in, but often shopped for others, like you do, you know taking a few extra things off the shelf and selling them on. I did some additional work for the police during that time, this was shopping too, but I had to scarper quickly as the ones I shopped got wind and were after me.

From 1998 to 2001
I have been studying, residential, for my procurement qualifications, within the penal rehabilitation regime, having got caught not procuring correctly.

From 1996 to 1998
I worked as a general handy man on various sites in the Melbourne Area
As you can see I am probably the most experienced person that there is, well I certainly know how to buy, and can organize things.

I wont take any lip from staff or salesmen and will floor anyone not pulling their weight.

With reference to Corporate Affairs and Strategy, as soon as I figure out what the words mean I will let you know what my views are.

I am available to start at fairly short notice, the sooner the better as there are a few guys after me in this area and I do need to move fast.

As you have guessed I do have the right to live and work in Australia so does my mother who is the daughter of my dad and the sister of my cousin and granddaughter of my uncle. My wife and sister, who are the same person also have the right to work and live in Australia, but some of my kids may not, as they have not been certified as sane yet.

:err: