I really don't want anyone to feel bad about anything that we have to sell for Paul's treatment. We have been through so much already material things mean nothing at this point. I would give my right arm to help him & I truly mean that. A little over two years is when Paul's back got so bad that he couldn't work anymore. I don't know if anyone really knows about the whole process of getting on disability but its a long one. We had to sell our house that we both dearly loved, move upstairs from my parents. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. First of all you have to be unemployed for a certain amount of time before you can apply, he was turned down the first time, than we had to get a lawyer involved. Its than like another two years to get on medicare. I just couldn't deal with all of it. That is when it became very real is when he couldn't work anymore. All of this & taking care of a two year old was very overwhelming. We were so broke, I am very lucky that I have very good benefits from my work. I have disability insurance god forbid anything was to happen to me. For anyone out there that thinks that it would be really great to be on disability & never have to work again your crazy. Disability doesn't pay that much & what it does to your own self worth is horrible. I have pulled myself out of a very dark hole, its been a constant struggle to remain positive for my family. We both are grateful for our daughter who continues to move us forward. We are trying to get back on our feet & you really do put things in perspective. Maybe you do have to go through hell to really understand that the ONLY things that matter should be your loved ones. Material things mean nothing, I am going back to school to be a massage therapist which is something I may have never have done if it wasn't for Paul's illness. I feel I am in a very different place now & I need to help others with chronic pain. I think this will help me cope with all of this as well. You can't imagine how helpless you feel watching your loved ones go through something like this & not being able to help at all. I usually don't talk about this because its to painful for me. I don't know what the future holds for Paul but I just take one day at a time & that's all I can do.