Need Opinions On Monologue

[Blackwater Demon]

I have a monologue due in acting class soon so I went ahead and wrote it. Let me know what you think. I know its not in script format but that doesnt matter.

For five hundred years I have roamed this world. For five hundred years I have been alone. Embraced by darkness and chosen by fate. For five hundred years I have been immortal. A mere shaow of existance. Not a man but a creature. A creature of the night who feeds on the blood of mortals. Some say I am a beast, a devil, an undesireable. I am damned to walk this earth for an eternity. Bound by fate and existing in nightmares. What did I do to deserve this fate? What did I do to become this... this thing! This freak! This disgrace to society. Oh God why have you forsaken me? Why have you left me behind? Oh why God? Take the very breath from my lungs, the blood from my veins. Take me from this world! (pulls dagger from pocket.) Let me live no more almighty lord! (stabs self in the heart and falls to knees) Embrace me almighty God. Pull me close to you. Embrace me... embrace me... embrace....(falls dead)

 

[Necropeth]

Wow. In my school we aren't even allowed to say "God."

 

[Braighs]

Pious emo vampires for the win!

Wow. In my school we aren't even allowed to say "God."

I had to say "God" every morning at my school. ledge of allegiance:

 

[soundave]

Very Anne Rice-ish. But you're dealing in such sweeping generalities. It lacks a sort of personal touch because it's so general. As an actor, if you have these generalities only, which are common to most modern vampire fiction, your performance will be more limited. You may be a great actor and be able to pull this off without it being too overwrought, but it would be hard, I think. Think about making it more personal. What was the most tragic moment for this character? What does he miss? Who does he feel most guilty about drinking... That sort of stuff. I'd brainstorm it a bit. And even if only one of those things makes its way into the monologue, it will at least help inform your performance.

Sorry, the former teacher in me took off. I hope you don't take offense. I like the idea. I wrote a short film about a guilt-ridden vampire about 10 years ago... It's hard for vampire stuff to not come off as overwrought. I have to imagine stabbing yourself in the heart in front of your class has got to be one of the major draws in this for you, right?

Good luck!