Need some feedback on my playing/writing

[serenesorrow]

Hey ceydn's thread gave me the idea of giving everyone a listen to my stuff but I didn't want to hijack his thread so I've knocked up a copycat one of my own (Ohh yeah and my equipment's lamer 10W amp!!! ) Dunno if you lot will enjoy it but hey why not?
Just want to see what you all think of my stuff... so you can shout at me to learn some proper keys for solos, or play in time or whatever.
Any budding guitarists out there got any tips or anyone want to mock a crap guitarist.. go for it.
And yeah I know Maiden and Fates Warning both have songs of the same name but it fitted

http://home.iprimus.com.au/serenesorrow/The Apparition.mp3

I'll post the lyrics up if anyone's interested.
Ohh and tell me if the harmony at the end sounds like Ancient Rome should sound...or if I'm just imagining things.

 

[KoichCPA]

Dude, they only thng I can see wrong with it, more fast double kick in the slow parts. apart from that, it's nicely done.

 

[The Amazer]

Downloading now, but ima off to bed so I'll give it a listen in the morning

 

[serenesorrow]

Hahaha thanks Koichi I've got to try come up with a drum part for it, but I suck at drum machines and the like.

EDIT: damn plurals

 

[KoichCPA]

no probs champ nuts