Was going to post this in the joke thread, but it really needs its own thread. It's piss funny. So here it is in all its glory:
NEW SLANG DICTIONARY, 2003
AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to French kisses, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual.
BREAKING THE SEAL
You’re first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".
BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.
ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.
MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips" moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
NBR (No Beers Required)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.
PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip in the air.
PICASSO Arse
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
RAGMAN'S COAT
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she’s got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"
RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".
SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
SPERM WAIL
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
STARFISH TROOPER or arseTRONAUT
A homosexual.
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.
TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.
TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.
TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
VAGINA DECLINER
A homosexual.
WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.
WANK SEANCE
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.
NEW SLANG DICTIONARY, 2003
AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to French kisses, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual.
BREAKING THE SEAL
You’re first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".
BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.
ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.
MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips" moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
NBR (No Beers Required)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.
PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip in the air.
PICASSO Arse
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
RAGMAN'S COAT
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she’s got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"
RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".
SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
SPERM WAIL
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
STARFISH TROOPER or arseTRONAUT
A homosexual.
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.
TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.
TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.
TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
VAGINA DECLINER
A homosexual.
WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.
WANK SEANCE
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.
