Particle accelerator that can fit on a tabletop...

Not sure I'd use a particle accelerator for that. Based on my (admittedly limited) understanding of the situation, even in beams where a great deal of work has gone into removing air and other nonsense from the beam's path (so that the accelerated particles are hitting their intended targets as efficiently as possible) occasional scatterings by leftover air (and other nonsense) result in an additional wider beam of slightly-scattered particles around the intended beam. This alone could basically give you cancer of the everything if you intended to use it for recreational purposes, depending on the situation, and then actually having the thing run without that approximate vacuum would result in the particle beam becoming significantly less of a particle beam rather quickly due to scattering in the atmosphere... so I doubt you would get your pizza cut or your steaks even to rare without additional technology. As this is all conjectural, the situation may be quite different in reality... however, proposals to toss steaks into particle accelerators have been largely ignored, so experimental data will be lacking for some time.

However, if you want to splurge on a cold plasma torch you could destroy all but incredibly trace levels of bacteria and such from your steak. Because *science*.

Jef
 
On the subject of tabletop versions of crazy science, you can also buy tabletop fusion reactors! You could definitely cook a steak in one of those.

If by "cook" you mean "turn in to radioactive ash and plasma"
 
I think we're overthinking this guys...wouldn't the plane-to-sphere ratio of the intermittent spikes of the euclidean curve cause the beam to gradually siphon the space-time motivator field to split into up and down quarks and sideways gluons when the beam strikes the sensor array? I mean, you know...
 
I think we're overthinking this guys...wouldn't the plane-to-sphere ratio of the intermittent spikes of the euclidean curve cause the beam to gradually siphon the space-time motivator field to split into up and down quarks and sideways gluons when the beam strikes the sensor array? I mean, you know...

No, actually the positronium overcompensator dequarkitizes the booblediboo flux and you basically just get a little bit of water vapor.

Jef