So... Suicide. How the hell do you deal?

[ScientistOfDarkness]

I read in the obituaries today that my ex brother-in-law, Neal, died Friday. My parents noticed it and showed me. I haven't seen my ex, Ken, in nearly five years after he left me without a trace from him ever again, but here's proof he's actually alive and living 10 miles from me. After all that heartache and probably fucking me up for relationships for life, here's a blast from the past. I nearly went to the funeral this morning. But, I didn't want to open old wounds and whatnot so I stayed home. Anyway, I got curious because the family is requesting donations to a psychiatric research center instead of sending flowers. So I looked in the Dallas news archives, found something with Neal and Jameson in it from Friday, paid the 3 dollars to view it, and:

"ROWLETT

Man hangs himself on Ray Hubbard bridge

A 26-year-old man hanged himself on a bridge over Lake Ray Hubbard on Thursday afternoon. Neal Jameson of Rockwall apparently pulled over on westbound State Highway 66, tied a rope to the bumper of his pickup and around his neck and jumped off the bridge."


So, he fucking killed himself. Apparently after Ken and I ended, Neal got a masters from MIT, and was pretty successful. He was a super genius back when I knew him. I'm reeling from this. I have this horrible mental image of my ex bro in law hanging from a rope off of the bridge I've driven over countless times. I know I haven't seen or heard from either my ex or him in a long long time, but that peroid of my life was one of the biggest most important times ever and to think Neal is dead ...and he did it, it's unreal. This is insane, I don't know how to deal with it, my mind is in a thousand pieces.

 

[Tee]

I'm terribly sorry to hear this.
there are no comforting words but after awhile (longer time though), all this pieces of your mind will stick together again. it doesn't sound possible now as it wasn't imaginable to me when things like that happened to the people I knew. and it wasn't only one person.
you just carry on living normally, meaning do all those everyday things, and it will torture you but slowly it'll fade. there is no cure for such things.

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

wow, thats just horrible.
i didn't even know him but the mental picture i got from that, damn. i'm sorry sammeh, i can only imagine how you're feeling *many many many hugs*

 

[lizard]

wow.
2004 was such a shitty year for me in terms of, I had two people very close to me involuntarily committed to the psych ward here in columbus....it has given me new empathy into the plights of those with mental disorders.
While I wouldn't want to be an advocate for suicide, the brain is a complex thing and just a little chemical imbalance can fuck us up. And unfortunately, its a real truth that the most intelligent among us feel the most pain - life is so fucking easy when you're stupid.
Sammeh from the reading I've done, most serious suicides (not the people who are making the proverbial "cry for help") make a decision to kill themselves and then finally find peace with that decision, even before death. Knowing that their pain is reaching an end brings them solace, even if to most of us it is a twisted way to get where we all want to be. This is perhaps the first tranquility they have probably known in years of torment. I know that humans are so complex that one blanket statement/theory cannot cover all circumstances, but often those of us behind are left with the mental burden of the loss of those we knew.
I personally have lost friends by suicide, heroin, scuba diving, helicopter crash, and warfare. It never gets easier, and in a way I hope it never does...try to be as strong as you can, and stay busy!
Peace on you.

 

[Dead_Lioness]

Sam,
First of all: I am sorry to hear about this big shock…
Life has a funny way sometimes to prove us again and again, that nothing is for granted and nothing will stay there forever. Every time something like this happen, it breaks us and washes us away like a lost wave on the shore…
ESPECIALLY in times like this, always try to keep your head above water…
What Neal did, he did out of desperation and sadness probably, and there was nothing anyone could have done for him. I am only sorry he did this act, and that you and your family had to read about it on the newspaper.
Neal will always be a part of that period of time that you hold so dear, Samantha.
Nothing can ever take that away from you. Embrace and remember all the things you had back then, and keep them with you. Never lose the lessons and the things you have learned or took with you from that time.
If you feel sad, be sad.
And if you feel confused, be confused.
But remember the person you are now and everything you have became.
Life has a great dynamic way to change and to evolved constantly, go with it.
I hope the sadness won’t stay too long with you, but the good memories you have about Neal and that time..….

 

[NinjaKitten]

wait... Im confused, you dated your sisters (ex)husband?
Anyways sorry about the loss, I can imagine tha would be a tough thing to deal with, even if you werent close anymore. Anyone in enough pain to kill themselves must be in a hell of a lot of pain, and thats a rough thought.

 

[ScientistOfDarkness]

wait... Im confused, you dated your sisters (ex)husband?
Anyways sorry about the loss, I can imagine tha would be a tough thing to deal with, even if you werent close anymore. Anyone in enough pain to kill themselves must be in a hell of a lot of pain, and thats a rough thought.

No, my ex's brother died.

I'm dealing a little better today, my head is still in a weird fog. My mom has some MORE tests next week that I'm all worried about. I need a brain rest Thanks all for the support *hugs all around*

 

[Will Bozarth]

that's nuts

 

[Super Mahrio]

Sammeh! im sorry to hear that...sometimes people dont have the courage you hope they have...
i hope youre ok! *hugs*

 

[TrueBeliever]

But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all