Story Thread

HE travelled further north in search for metal tranqillity.
His search took him to yet another metal festival....he came accross something they called "download"
Curiosity made him check it out but upon hearing the shitest band in the world playing...slipknot, he immediately drew his 2 handed axe and with immense strength easily weilded it one handedly, he also drew out his new found warhammer (a weapon for any true warrior) which he was given by halford for prooving his worth.
He dived into the fray of nu metal bodies spinning in a raged whirlwind of death, annihilation and destruction (3 bands he happened to like :p)

Heads flying all around and blood spattered corpse covered the grassy fields.
His menace was liek that of any true Trollslayer...turned nu-metalslayer in this modern age!
 
In there castle dark, the Metal Kings heard our heros mighty cry and the carnage that he caused. With a great yell they saddled their might steeds, and rode forth to meet these brave new warrior. With them they brought him a steed so that he might ride with them and its name was Black Death.
 
They rode back to the castle. On the way routing off some of the nu-metalers that had slipped out of the fray of battle. They finished them all off with little or no effort and finally arrived at the castle gates!
They had a great feast in the main hall and drank endless barrels of ale whilst singing songs of brave warriors and victories battles!
 
These songs were secretly recorded and somebody later released them under the guise of a live Hammerfall bootleg...
 
the bootleg found its way onto the Japanese black market, where it sold thousands of copies and became 1# album for 7 weeks running, indeed, 'Hammerfall: Forgotten Frolics' had become the best selling bootleg in history and they lapped up the attention, even forgetting to come back to Bloodstock which they rightously owed the people of Britain. After this east Asian success, Hammerfall turned to J-pop and dressed up like sailor schoolgirls and abandoned their guitars in favor of a vox-box.
Meanwhile... back to Jack...
 
the next morning, Jack woke up with a bitch of a hangover...but he didnt stay in bed or die, like any false metaller would...oh no. he was planning on saddling his steed and riding off to find more toy-metal bands/fans to slay, but his head was banging to fuck. so he ripped it off and dashed it on the cobbled stones of the castle for being such a whiny bitch, and rode off to find a new one...
 
Jack rode like the wind... Into trees that is... Without a head and therefore eyes he rode indiscriminantly into everything in his path, gaining many a wound which served to show his true metal might! He rode until he came to a small german town where he happened upon a balding man who went by the name of Kai, Kai spoke "Ahh Jack! A metaller whos name is famous throughout all the lands! I am Kai Hansen and i shall bow to your metal superiority, Take my head and use it wisely for i am old and my time has passed... I ask only one thing from you, use my voice for the good of all metallions, form a band and call it Anal Frustration! You shall become the greatest comedy metal nad ever to exist, even greater than Gore!" Jack slay Kai and took his head as instructed, with many a regret as one would expect... What would the world do without Kai Hansen, And what would Jack do next... Would he follow the metal prphets instructions? Only time would tell...
 
With his newfound boy and a renewed vigor for life, Jack set out to find his true path, a path that would lead him to events that would mark his existance as a pinnacle of human history. Without so much as a hnt as to where to start, Jack thought it best to begin where all good metal bands of this day and age begin: Michigan. It did not take long for him to arrive, as the road was empty, the days long, and food plentiful. Around 20 miles or so before the border of Michigan, Jack stopped to sup on hunted centipede and elderberry wine. After a particularly long drinking session, with the wine going to his head as well as the toxins within the skins of the centipedes, Jack began to drift off into a light sleep.
"Awake, Jack ,awake!" The voice was hard, it's edges tigned with a sort of sadistic pleasure. Jack opened his eyes, focusing them to the dim surroudnings.
"You should not have eaten the centipedes and wine! Now your in a bit of a spot." "Who are you?" Jack shouted as he realized his hands were bound and his feet suspended in mid air, his stomache pressed roughly agaisnt the stone.
 
He then realised what was happening....he had seen so many 18 rated japenese manga films and he knew what was about to happen next. Of course the perverse demons from the films normally went for sweet innocent girls and then raped them until they exploded in a flash of sensual gore!
But he knew he should not get his hopes up....maybe this was a bi sexual demon or something....very rare but he may have been deprived so long he no longer cares as long as he gets laid!
Realising this jack struggled immensly in a last attempt to brake free.......
 
But it turned out that was just a drunken dream... In fact he was spread eagled in the middle of a farmers field in deepest north yorkshire, wearing only a leather codpiece and a soiled toupée... What had he done the night before? where had he been? was it grimsby? was it milton keynes? who knows? the only thing thats for sure is that it was a damn metal night!...
 
The in a shudder he wakes up and realises that the cold feild was the best his frightened mind could conjure up as a dream to help ease his pain... The large top hatted figure begins to walk away leaving his shadow alone with our hero... The shadow climbs over jack, unimaginable pain thrashes his inner being as he begins to squirm and wryth in delicious agony. jacks soul becomes unhindged and much in the style of the bodon, a reaper climbs from the once empty shell that was jack... a new demon is born!
 
After Jack had passed over he began to haunt those that had tormented him during his life... he started by haunting Fred Durst but that was no fun, turns out hes just a middle aged wanker who like slippers... its all an act so annoying him seemed pointless... instead he decided to haunt the cast of hollyoaks...
 
Naturally it drove them all insane! They could not bare the sound and so started to kill each other!
Happy with his work jack left them to it!
But it did give him an idea. He would create an arena or torture and nightmares and get all those people he hated and make them have bloody battles to their deaths!
He set out in search for victims.........
 
Jack the Reaper :p glides through the wall of the Kerrang! eitor's office and sees Phil Alexander who jumps up, nearly having a heart attack.

JACK: Thou comst with me thou false metal guru. Thou hast committed grave crimes against true metal and thy time has come to pay.

Jack leaves the room, with Alexander being pulled along against his will (which is very weak anyway).

JACK: You will now direct me to Mary Anne Hobbs.
 
Along his way he picks up many false metal twats....Members of Slipknot, Korn, Nirvana, Marilyn Manson, Limp Bizkit, Funeral for a friend, Finch, Murderdolls and Linkin Park....he beats on them heavily with the shaft of his.............................................battle Axe until their bodies are battered bloody messes of entrails and gore!
he then continues on
 
:headbang: :headbang: It took many months of beatings and searching... many rolls of ducttape for the mouths of the false ones... but eventually he had them all... IN THE PIT OF HELL! which was actually just Wembly stadium coinverted! Now was the time, Jack unleashed them all into the arena, sealing all the surrounds of the main arena floor with an impenetrable force field of DOOM! They all began with pleasantries, and followed with mass orgies as korn and limpbizkit had a "shag off!" to see who had the best anal technique:loco: ! Naturally fred and Jd where the winners, as metallica join in to celebrate their new album, a figure walks to the stage... ITS DEATH, then here comes... BILL AND TED, next out is STATION, and last but not least its the english princesses! JACK HAS JOINED THE WYLD STALLIONZ!!!!!!

They blast out a few notes of god gave rock and roll to you as the crowd stared thinkin they where in a rock place, fear crept over them as they thought shit i dont like rock places never been to one before... not real rock anyway... Metallica who had, as they where veterans, where scared that they wouldnt make it home to watch mcguyver and put on the fuzzy slippers, they felt far too good for this kinda concert now! the audience of reall metal heads filled the seats... then a few more bands hit the stage... Its a death power prog stage now! what the hell will these poor hapless false rockers do. iced earth begin a berage of gettysberg for a half hour soften up!

FRED D-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT REAL METAL, MY PRETTY FAT HEAD CANT TAKE IT!

then on bursts balance of power doin a duet with masterplan, dragonforce and powerquest join in... this is a powermetal opera! then on bursts nightwish with slaying the dreamer to bring in the night! Manowar duet the song! HERES THE BODOM! MANY OTHER BLACK BANDS JOIN IN... FOLLOWED BY EVERY BAND WHO HAS EVER PLAYED BLOODSTOCK FOR AN ORCHESTRA OF METAL... THE FALSE ONES BEGIN TO LOSE IT!!!

BANG, WOW HERE IT IS, THEYRE KILLING EACH OTHER LIKE RABID WHORES ON THE SEARCH FOR CRACK!

THE AUDIENCE LOOKS ON CHANTING AND RIOPPING THE ARENA APART FOR MORE, JACK LOOKS ON WITH AN AIR OF PLEASURE OVER HIS BODY! IN DEMONIC BLISS HE OVERSAW THE MADNESS AND PERFECTION IN THE GORE AND CHAOS BELOW HIM!:hotjump: :headbang:
 
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