The All New Joke Thread Part 3

[princess_of_the_night2112]

Started a new joke thread cos I think the other one has disappeared.

Anyway a nice Christmassy one for youse:-



Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel












They say its only for the Christmas period!!!!

...................................................................................................

What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris?




















The wife !!!!

Hehe

 

[valanx]

Mildly amusing! Thanks

 

[No-Mercy]

Q:what is the difference between a blonde and a misquite?



A: a misquito stops suckin after you smack it

 

[valanx]

Q:what is the difference between a blonde and a misquite?



A: a misquito stops suckin after you smack it

good one mate, i love the blonde jokes!

 

[RicknRoll]

Q: What do you get when you cross a onion with a donkey












A: A piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

 

[WILKS]

nice to hear from you again mate.I see your jokes are getting better.

 

[Starmoon]

Q:what is the difference between a blonde and a misquite?



A: a misquito stops suckin after you smack it

 

[Starmoon]

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday??

A: Tell them a joke on Wednesday!!

:zombie:

 

[Fingers]

After our last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack
on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included £50 worth of makeup.

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I said, "f***k off, that's what the beer was for!"

 

[Paxoman]

After our last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack
on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included £50 worth of makeup.

I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I said, "f***k off, that's what the beer was for!"

 

[Paxoman]

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman want to go to the London Olympic games. They go to the stadium but it is a sell out, and there arn't even touts selling tickets outside.

The Englishman thinks for a minute. Then he sees a scaffold pole and picks it up and walks over to the athletes entrance and says to the gate attendant, "John Smith, pole vaulting". The attendant opens the gate and lets him in.

Seeing this, the Scotsman thinks for a minute. Then he picks up a man hole cover and walks over to the same gate, "Fergus McDonald, discus". The attendant opens up the gate and lets him in.

The irishman thinks for a while, and paces up and down. Then he suddenly has an idea. He picks up some barbwire and walks over to the athletes gate, "Jim O'Reilly, fencing".

 

[Golden_Goose]

Q- Ever wonder what those bumps are around a womans' nipple?


A- it's brail for "SUCK HERE"

 

[Golden_Goose]

Q- What's better then 2 roses on a piano?


A- 2 lips on an organ

 

[Starmoon]

Q- What's better then 2 roses on a piano?


A- 2 lips on an organ

:zombie:

 

[valanx]

Q- What's better then 2 roses on a piano?


A- 2 lips on an organ

Haha good one cheers

 

[Sammi951]

As of March 2006, Viagra will only be available under its correct name. Please ask your pharmacist for Mycoxaflopin.

 

[Sammi951]

Now for a corny one...

Two rats in a sewer - one says "I'm bloody sick of it - shit for breakfast, shit for dinner, shit for tea"

The other one says "Cheer up mate, we'll go on the piss later!"

Well, I did say it was corny!!

 

[Sammi951]

Young Iraqi lad signs a professional contract at Liverpool F C...scores a hat-trick on his debut and gets carried round the pitch, shoulder-high...He rings home all excited to tell his parents the good news, and asks how the family are...

"How are we?" says his mum "The house has been bombed, your dad's been shot, your sister's been raped, and I've been mugged and robbed at gunpoint!...why the fuck did you bring us to Liverpool?!!"

Apologies now to anyone from Liverpool, or anyone else who might be offended (there's bound to be someone!).....It's a joke!!

 

[WILKS]

As of March 2006, Viagra will only be available under its correct name. Please ask your pharmacist for Mycoxaflopin.

Yeah i got sent txt of that from your other half. MInd you i thought it was called Markscoxafloppin.

 

[Paxoman]

Yeah i got sent txt of that from your other half. MInd you i thought it was called Markscoxafloppin.

Oi!