Who are the coolest bints/fellows in this forum?

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This is how I did the friend requests on fagbook.

1) You don't look like a douchebag
2) You have a viking beard
3) You have an "of" before your surname
4) You're a chick with a supple pair of teats
5) You've posted on RC in the past 10yrs

Though these friends shall be vetted in the forthcoming weeks. If I see anything which I find hip or ironic in any way, shape, or fashion, harsh ridicule shall fall upon thee.