Worst lyrics ever!

[TRrEiTxIxRiE DTrash]

... are by a band called Anvil! Check out some of these samples from songs (not entire songs lol):

Safe Sex

Weenie wrap
To collect the sap
Stretch and Seal a meal
It just don't feel real
12 or 24 to the pack
Find them on the drugstore rack

Safe sex
If I abstain
I'll go insane
Safe sex
Give me sleaze
And not disease

Electro-tested for tears and leaks
Lubricated prophylactic sheiks
Get it up, get it on!

Yank it, crank it
Piggies in a blanket
Clean your gun
When it's all done
Vacuum packed for your protection
Sanitized to fight infection

Backwaxed

I know it's your first time I'm gonna make you feel just fine
You say you never did and you're really unprepared

Don't you worry, don't you fret
I've got a method that ain't thought of yet
Put it in and pull it out
Slap it on your back and watch it spout

I don't think you'll mind if I take ya from behind
Get you on your hands and knees, put your mind at ease
Feel the throbbing what a treat as the wax begins to heat
I think it's almost there, gonna pull it out with care

Backwaxed, backwaxed, you're being backwaxed
Backwaxed, backwaxed, you're being backwaxed

Jackhammer

I wish you'd shut up 'cause I'm tryin to sleep
I'm gonna gag you gonna push it down deep

Running out of breath
You're chokin fast
You begin to sputter
You're not gonna last

Jackhammer pounding your pile
Jackhammer you're gonna cream
Jackhammer that's your style
Jackhammer you're gonna scream

Tag Team

When one's done they tag another one
How far will she go

In round seven she's in heaven
How much can she take
Again and again she feels the strain
As she start the eighth

The bell is hit the stage is lit
She staggers to the centre
Opponents meet their body's heat
The boys tonight have spent her

She's going down she's on the ground
You can hear her howl
She can't take no more 'cause she's so sore
She's throwing in the towel
Ha, ha throwin in her towel

Tag team baby - down for the count
Tag team baby - you lost the bout
Tag team baby - oh what a catch
Tag team baby - you blew the match

Show Me Your Tits

I like 'em big, I like 'em small
I like 'em round, I love 'em all
I just want to look and see
What you got for me

Show me, show me your tits
Show me what you got for me
Show me, show me your tits
Show me, I just want to see

I like 'em fake, I like 'em real
I like to look, I like to feel
I wish that I could have a squeeze
I just wanna tease

Now that it is legal
It's great without a doubt
Come on girls lose your shirts
And let them titties out

I just want to see
I just want to see
Your tits

Hair Pie

Dessert is my favourite meal, I eat it every day
A dietary supplement that's certain to stay
It's my favourite recipe and it's easy to follow
Can't wait to get a mouthful, bite down and swallow

It's got the flavour that can't be beat
It's a mans treat
Knee high in hair pie
Knee high in hair pie

 

[TinMan666]

rofl

 

[Goreripper]

Yeah, they are pretty bad. The latest album has some of the lamest lyrics ever penned. Nothing beats these though:

There’s two dogs down the street
They bark all night long
I can’t get no sleep
Think there’s something wrong

 

[TRrEiTxIxRiE DTrash]

 

[Goreripper]

Those are by a band called Snake Eyes (whom I've posted about before). One of my favourite worst bands ever. Their entire lyric sheet read like bad high school poetry. They have a song called "Having a Revolution" and another one called "Sheet Metal" which is one of the lamest songs, EVER! I'd post more, but I threw the disc in the garbage.

 

[TRrEiTxIxRiE DTrash]

I'm interested to hear them now haha!

 

[Goreripper]

http://snakeeyes.oz.tripod.com

 

[Goreripper]

Here's another Anvil song:

CAN'T CATCH ME
When you are a cheat, you will be beat, self defeat
If you're unaware, you best take care, life's not fair
Take control of your very soul
I hope you know what I mean



Don't get caught in the act behind your lovers back then deny the fact
When your hands in the jar, wish upon a star, you won't get far
Every soul has self control
You should know what I mean


Chorus:
Can't catch me, can't catch me, can't catch me foolin around
Can't catch me, can't catch me, can't catch me when my pants are down


When you think you're cool
And you've been found a fool
Don't blame me
Take my advice, don't think twice, you will suffice
Consequence, has no defense, you'll have to pay the price
Taking heed of your manly need
You know just what I mean

 

[Goreripper]

Actually, this one is even worse:

FAST DRIVER
Just one shot of nitrous, I'll leave you in the dust
Peddles to the metal, feel the engine thrust
The power of a monster raging under the hood
The sheer lust of power makes me feel so good



Chorus:
Fast driver, pass you on the curve
Fast driver, the power and the nerve


Low riding tires grip the road like glue
Hair pin corners, a breeze to get through
Five speed tranny and overhead cam
When the cops see me comin' they learn just who I am


-Chorus-
Fast driver, foot made of lead
Fast driver, wearing down the tread


Car race, on your mark get set go
Keeping the pace fast not slow
Car race, on your mark get set go
No time to waste, let's go, go, go
Go, go, go, go


Burning up the pavement, leave a trail of black
The smell of burnt rubber, I won't be comin' back
Fast as a bullet fired from a gun
Getting home alive is a race I've won
-Chorus-
Fast driver, foot made of lead
Fast driver, wearing down the tread
-Chorus-

 

[Spiff]

"Lubricated prophylactic sheiks" - that's gold!

 

[BlindGuardianKill]

Anvil were great - Forged in Fire!! The singer Lips from the band is quite a character with a great sense of humour. Vibrator man. I remember buying Anvil & Exciter - Long Live the Loud around the same time. Two great classic metal bands. I guess if you read most lyrics whatever style you could kick big gaping holes thru them - but yes always good for a laugh to have a read and ponder.

 

[KoichCPA]

Get Me Power


do it babe
get me power
shake my body, what are you waitin' for?
shock my muscles, it's so easy
feel the music playin' forever more
dance as never, get up and get on
another day that comes along
don't you know, don't you feel
gettin' good power
another night that comes along
feeling like you're dreamin'
feeling like you're flyin'
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new vibrations from me lady
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new emotions from me to you
you're my woman so I can ask for more
help me baby, it's so easy
light my passion, don't ever leave me so
love me tender, be mine forever
another day that comes along
don't you know, don't you feel
gettin' good power
another night that comes along
feeling like you're dreamin'
feeling like you're flyin'
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new vibrations from me lady
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new emotions from me to you
shake my body, what are you waitin' for?
shock my muscles, it's so easy
feel the music playin' forever more
dance as never, get up and get on
another day that comes along
don't you know, don't you feel
gettin' good power
another night that comes along
feeling like you're dreamin'
feeling like you're flyin'
get me power
do it babe
get me power
get me higher
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new emotions from me to you
another day that comes along
don't you know, don't you feel
gettin' good power
another night that comes along
feeling like you're dreamin'
feeling like you're flyin'
get me power
do it babe
love explosion for you baby
get me power
get me higher
new emotions from me to you

 

[Winmar]

These weren't submissions for a new Canterbury Bulldogs club song campaign, were they?