Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown
in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance
9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2, and
NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:
/I/THOUGHT/YOU/LOVED/ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please
remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create
SnoringLoudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially
cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program Girlfriend 9.2, which runs
in the background and has
been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating
System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to enhance this system's performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5, combined
with such applications as that old stand-by Lingerie 6.9(which has been
credited with improved performance of this hardware).
Good luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown
in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance
9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2, and
NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:
/I/THOUGHT/YOU/LOVED/ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please
remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create
SnoringLoudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially
cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program Girlfriend 9.2, which runs
in the background and has
been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating
System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to enhance this system's performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5, combined
with such applications as that old stand-by Lingerie 6.9(which has been
credited with improved performance of this hardware).
Good luck,
Tech Support
Dang I liked those!! Thanks for making me laugh Maskim! Rep for you 
