A Novel I'm Writing

[ADRSean]

Hey guys, any readers here? I am now 20 years old, and I just found the first chapter of a book I wanted to write that I wrote 4 years ago. I'd like to know what you guys think. I am going to rewrite the way that the kid gets famous, and add to the scenes but I really like the overall idea.

Basically, a junior in high school writes a song and puts it online. Gets famous, spends summer getting famous/touring making a hit record. That all happens before the book starts. Book starts when he has to go back and do his senior year of high school. He is a cynical bastard who hated everyone who in turn ignored him. So now he's Mr. Popular, hates it and has no idea what to do with his life and himself.

Thoughts?

http://www.webook.com/project/Back-To-Reality

 

[Morgan C]

I quite like the idea.. and while I don't read a LOT, or write or anything like that, hopefully I can offer some help.

Its a good idea, but the main thing is that you tend to tell rather than show. The whole bit with the Dad felt like a recount.. it might be better if you just say 'since Dad left' or something, and explain it later on, its not really necessary and it slows down the beginning (which already takes a while to get into because you're explaining how he got famous). And show all that shit through how the characters are acting, instead of "I didn’t take it that hard I guess, but that was mainly because I hated the bastard." I mean its not BAD, but its not really necessary at that moment, and its going off-track, whereas if you just make him act in a certain way to show that, you're showing more about the character and you can explain why later on.

Again with like

“That’s just me.” I said. I say what’s on my mind if you can’t tell.

If we can't tell then its not obvious enough ;p

Haven't done a very good job explaining that, but hopefully you understand what I'm getting at.


Also a tad too much swearing.. the odd word is fine but you had like 3 swear words in one paragraph and it comes off a bit teenage-angsty (I realise its written from that perspective but still, it gets a bit annoying).

And there are quite a few spelling/grammar errors.

GL, hope you continue with it.