A shocking Joke for Friday

[Black Lagoon]

President Bush phones up Superman to ask him why he didn't save the astronauts in the space shuttle.

Superman replied "Because I'm in a fucking wheelchair you cunt!"

 

[Crusader]

 

[Sammi951]

God, we're a cruel lot on here, aren't we?

 

[Eagle]

that's fucking ace!

 

[jmillion]

I like that one.

 

[Twisted Tony]

Man, that's harsh!

Ok here's one from ole Twisted!

The doctor says to his patient, "I'm afraid I have bad news. You don't have long to live."
The patient says, "Gee, that is bad news. Just how long do I have?"
The doctor says, "Ten."
The patient says, "Ten what? Weeks? Days?"
The doctor says, "Nine . . ."

 

[Crusader]

Drummer jokes from ironmaiden.com:

A Drummer went to buy a new car, he only had two hundred quid so he goes to see a pal that was into selling second hand junkers.
"Hi Mac," he says. "What have you got that's real cool for two hundred quid?"
"Well," says his mate "I've got a beauty out back a real bargain. It's an old Jag, beautiful condition..."
"What's the catch?" says the Drummer
"No catch at all," says Mac
"Oh there is just one little thing missing though," says Mac
"What's that then?" asked the Drummer
"It ain't got any doors," says Mac
"That's no good is it," says the Drummer, "How the heck am I going to get in?"
==============
Two drummers meet while walking down the street.
One of them asks, " What you got in that bag?"
The other one replies: "Chickens"
"Can I have one?" asks the first drummer.
The second drummer replies, "If you can guess how many chickens are in this bag, then I'll give you both of them."
==============
What do they call a guy that's hanging out with musicians?
A drummer.
==============
How do you know there's a drummer knocking on your door?
The knocking speeds up.
==============
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
==============
Did you hear about the drummer who walked passed the bar?
...Well it could happen!
==============
And the best:
How many drummers are necessary to screw a lightbulb?
Ten drummers, one to hold the lamp with his hands and nine to turn the room.

 

[Eagle]

A drummer gets pissed off with playing the drums and decides to learn the guitar!

He goes into the shop and asks how much the cheapest guitar is!

The shopkeeper says, "You're a drummer aren't you?!"

The Drummer replies, "Yes, how did you know?"

Shopkeeper states, "Cause this is a fucking Fish 'n' Chip shop!"

 

[RicknRoll]

I have one, Michael Jackson & Elton John are collaborating on a remake of a Elton classic

"Don't let Your son go down me"

 

[Sammi951]

Oooh, Rick, you are naughty!!

 

[RicknRoll]

Thank you Sammi, I try.

 

[WILKS]

Pete Townsend,Michel Jackson go to Gary Glitters housefor a meal.No expense is spared ,the best cuts of meet are served with only the finest veg.At the end of the evening a rich blend of coffee is served along with the under eights. I heard a joke so bad that even you lot won't like it so I shall wait until I hear one less sick.

 

[Eagle]

I'll like it - I have no morals

 

[dragonmaiden]

Eagle...don't you mean 'scruples'.........or maybe you do mean 'morals'......anyway I split hairs ....I know you have neither!!!

 

[Paxoman]

Originally posted by Eagle
I'll like it - I have no morals

Ahh that's a shame that you have no morals Eagle. I used to like the morals that Hilda Ogden had on her living room wall!

 

[WILKS]

O.K. But I warn you I found this sick in the highest order a first for me.



Matthew kelly: "So tell me who you are going to be tonight."

Are you sure you want me to go on.

 

[Sammi951]

Yeah, come on Wilks...finish what you started

 

[Black Lagoon]

Tonight Mathew I'm gonna be Ralph Harris, and hopefully I'll be doing two little boys.

 

[Sammi951]

Is that it?? That's not that bad, considering some of the jokes on here!!