A song I wrote

[RideForVengance]

Hey, I'm a rythm guitarist, kinda a song writer, I guess almost a singer too, although the band im in... barely even exists, we played one orriginal song for the school tallent show a while ago... but the drummer has gotten even more lazy, we havent practiced in about 3 weeks, so... I cant really write a full song, only lyrics and some riffs. Here it is:




The age of men shall soon be laid to rest
Total anihalation, at best


Waiting 20 feet underground
A behemoth lurks
70 feet of cold steel
25 Megatons of Death
Morning Glory

A trigger happy finger
Is on the killswitch
Drown the world in flame
In secconds, at your command
Morning Glory

All systems primed and ready
The beast awakens
Counting down to launch
Silo doors make way for doom
Morning Glory

Apocalypse, flying high
Armagedon, in the sky

Counter attack
Others fire back
In the air, before the first
Impact - (Explosion)

(Slower, less agressive part)

The winds of hell
Engulf Humanity
Nothing left to shell
Nothing left to see

(More Agresive, faster)

Slowly, the Ashes settle
Survivors are rare
Dust rises, sun fades
Nuclear Winter is here

Radiation Sickness
Widespread Disease
Hell freezes over
Humanity, wiped clean





Criticism is wanted, any suggestions you have / things to improve on are welcome.

Post some songs of your own, I could post some older ones I've written, and We'll talk about lyrics and shit. Thanks.

(This song was inspired by RIP... Polaris, but I didnt wanna copy it... so I hope it doesnt look like that, I think its fairly different, even in concept.)

 

[Under The Oak]

I never get much out of lyrics unless there's music to go with them. Those lyrics also sound like typical apocalyptic metal, nothing outstanding. I'd say keep working at it, but its not bad.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Good shit. Not terribly original, but completely pretension-free, which is really good in this day and age. Maybe add a couple more instances of "Morning glory!"–it would make a good shout-along bit.

What musical style were you thinking? This could be some good German thrash style stuff, maybe along the lines of Sodom but with more dynamics...I might just be thinking that cause I saw the line "Nuclear winter," but seriously, good stuff.

I'll post some lyrics in a second.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

A song my (more or less defunct) thrash band figured out. Very Slayer-esque, but with a chorus riff that would fit nicely on Pleasure To Kill and an East Coast slowdown bridge. I work the blastbeats during the solos.

Spots of red dance before my eyes
Blood clouds my vision, blinded by the lies
Bewildered and confused by all this complication
Surrounded by clouds I lash out in frustration

I’m going on a rampage
I’m going on a rampage
RAMPAGE!

Violent reaction is the only way I know
Red rivers rush around me and I can’t go with the flow
Just a simple man in a world that’s too complex
Don’t know how to create so I’m just gonna wreck

I’m going on a rampage
I’m going on a rampage
RAMPAGE!

Bridge:
Rage - lashing out, thrash about
You’ll know me by the trail of
Dead - stinking gore, of my war
Against the world that’s fucked me

Lost - in this haze, mental maze
The only true escape is
Hate - driving me, sets me free
From the prison whose walls are confusion
Whose bars are illusion
Whose lock is all the fucking LIES!

I’m going on a rampage
I’m going on a rampage
RAMPAGE!

 

[The_Evil_Gentleman]

Check this out:

Counterfeit Humanity

How would you feel…
If someone told you’re not real
When you thought that you’re life
And turned out you’re NOTHING

It’s the age when humans create humans
Just playing the will and gift of God
You’re just a simple clone
All digitalized from bone to bone
That’s what I am

Take me, kill me
Change me, recreate me
Counterfeit humanity

Real humans die and they just change
Scientific approach taking spiritual belief
I’m just a victim for you
Mt nightmare came true
That’s what we are

Kill me, wake me
Fake me, recreate me
Counterfeit humanity
Steal me, drug me
Heal me, strange me
I’m a part of counterfeit humanity, yeah!

Take my religion away
Kill me again and again
Make me alive another day
Our humanity is in pain
Will human race survive this?
No love and take our free will
We’re just puppets in people’s hands
That’s what I am

(Solo)

Arise me, betray me
Atheist me, Change me
Counterfeit humanity
Chain me, reincarnate me
Rebuilt me, pierce me
We’re the counterfeit humanity x 4

 

[Reign in Acai]

Pyrus has the better lyrics of the bunch. No doubt that they would fit a thrash band. Goodjob.

 

[MasterOLightning]

My first thought when seeing the original lyrics was that they sound similar to Megadeth. The influence was pretty apparent. I'm real picky about lyrics. They almost always look bad on paper. The most recent ones have a Death-type feel. None of these are too bad.

 

[Necro Joe]

Rage - lashing out, thrash about
You’ll know me by the trail of
Dead - stinking gore, of my war
Against the world that’s fucked me

THRAAAAASH!!!

Props to all who posted lyrics, mostly pretty good.

 

[RideForVengance]

You guys write pretty good lyrics. One thing that alot of people dont keep in mind is that the way you sing lyrics is almost as important as the lyrics themselves - Megadeth, for example, sometimes has kinda shitty looking lyrics if you read them before you hear the music. So reading your lyrics I cant tell what you were thinking as to how to sing them, but I can envision a couple of ways that'd be pretty badass.


Alright heres another song:



Slowly dying, your fate is already sealed
Deadly pooison, Coursing through your veins
Your out of time, Time to feel the kiss of death
Just agony, find your only comfort
In that your life will soon end

BLACK DEATH!
Meet the reaper
BLACK DEATH!
Life slips away
BLACK DEATH!

Murky thoughts, running through your frying brain
How much longer, will your crippled boddy last
Time is ticking, your loosing the fight real fast
Millions, share your fate
Is the the end of humanity?

Chorus

Interlude

Chorus




A few other people thought the "Black Death" part was kinda cheesy... what do you think? Alot of metal, especially this kinda shit usually is pretty cheesy... but hey, I'm not on the Kill Em All level yet so I think im fine. And that CD still kicked ass despite the lyrics.


"The leather armies have prevailed
The Phantom Lord has never failed
Smoke is lifting from the ground
The rising volume metal sound

Hear the cry of war
Louder than before
With his sword in hand
To control the land"

Metallica - Phantom Lord




Now thats just cheesy. Good song, but cheesy.

Anyone ever try and count how many times James said "leather on Kill Em All? I think its 8. Thats alot, consider there are 10 songs on that CD.




And Here's a cheesy Thrash song I wrote as a joke... its supposed to be kinda bad.





Live for Adrenaline rush
Drums pounding, and riffs that crush
Heart beating, head banging
Today theres a public hanging

Chorus:
Cowardly cower
Skull Crushing power
METAL UP!

If speed Kills, Im a dead man
Play fast, kick some ass, thats the plan
These lyrics are shallow, thats ok
The musics fucking allegro today

Chorus










I actually thought some of the lyrics to whiplash are decent though.


The adrenaline starts to flow,
Your thrashing all around.
Acting like a maniac,
WHIPLASH!



Post more of your lyrics.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Dude, it is OKAY to write cheesy violent lyrics. In fact, it is highly recommended, because so many of today's metal bands write these lyrics that try to be deep and meaningful and philosophical but just end up sounding horribly lame. There is no shame in having FUN with music.

"Black Death" is cool, and if anyone else tells you to dump the gang vocal shout, punch them in the face and take a shit on their grandmother. I want to buy you a beer.

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

Maybe add a couple more instances of "Morning glory!"–it would make a good shout-along bit.

AUSGEBOMBT! AUSGEBOMBT! AUSGEBOMBT! AUSGEBOMBT!

 

[Reign in Acai]

This thread makes me want to go listen to Kill Em All...

The adrenaline starts to flow,
Your thrashing all around.
Acting like a maniac,
WHIPLASH!

 

[RideForVengance]

Go listen to kill em all. I do just about every day or every other day.


SO COME ON!

 

[anonymousnick2001]

Aside from the vocals(a little meh--at least they fit), your band owns, Erik.

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Erik's lyrics RULE.

 

[The_Evil_Gentleman]

A Painting Without You

I've drawn a painting
About a smiling woman
With abscence of her lips
Has a cup of blood in her hand
And everyday she always sips
She always sips

I've drawn a painting
About a shiny town
But there's no happy sun
People are walking with a smile of hate
A boy is playing without any fun
Without any fun

----------------------------
(Chorus):

The emptiness within myself
Falls down within my soul
Trapped here inside of a cage
That I created from myself
The stories in the paintings
Will make me shed the blood of tears

----------------------------

I've drawn a painting
About a beautiful bird
That weeps to get inside a cage
But the human, insists to let it free
The creature comes in with rage
Comes in with rage

I'm always been alone
Tears are falling from me
The stories that I make
Doesn't have a beginning
Doesn't have an end
Still scared
Still alone
Still I paint in PAIN

(Solo 1)

(Chorus) x 2

My Romeo never found Juliet
Robin Hood lost his Maid Marianne
The prince never reached Snow White
The story goes on forevermore

(Solo 2)

I've drawn a painting
About a red demon
Playing along with angels
All for a sudden, they disappear
He looks at them with chills
Them with chills and says:
"Where's the passion in the story?
Why can't I smile anymore?
Broken mirrors reflecting my face
The emptiness can never fade"

(I've drawn a painting...
I've drawn a painting...
I've drawn a painting...
About me
About you) x 3

(No hate, no love
Passionless I remain) x 3

------------------------------End--------------------------------

 

[Thraxz]

I tried to write a few songs but I just don't have the skill yet. Partly because I simply cannot play well enough to play my own shit and don't know exactly how it comes off (I play it about twice as slow as it should be) anyways... here are some lyrics from one of my slower songs ... it was very Kalmah influenced... think "Moon of my Nights" and "Gyroscope" by In Flames.

Oblivion Path

Into the void
of space-time
where will we stop
to assess our failiures?
when will we look
to fix our faults?
When will we see?
when will we see?

Chorus: Onward we push
for our pleasure
its just instinct
without any thought

Still we go into space
forcing ourselves
onto planets
Oblivious
to the destruction wraught
by our reckless
excess

Chorus

We venture on
Down a doomed path
without any hope
of return

Chorus

Reeling we spiral
Down the Oblivion Path

 

[Crimson Velvet]

How does one draw a painting?

 

[no country for old wainds]

Bahahaha, I wrote this aaages ago:

Land ho!

But the water is dark
You crumble
There are eyes, you see them now
Reeking of power
You’ve seen your last sunset

Loathing, Crushing, Kill, Kill
Hatred, Murder, Kill, Kill

These wretches
The earth screams in pain
Murderers!
I shall protect you, mother

Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill….

Leave us be, leave us be
Haven’t you caused enough harm?
The water is crimson now
Leave us be

 

[no country for old wainds]

And this one was from even longer ago, har:

Life!
The Philosopher’s Stone
The way to escape all fear
Ha!
Die mortal filth!
The Reaper will never touch me
Weep!
The power I hold
Writhe inside my flames
Die!
For I am your God
And no-one shall silence me

Death!
I can feel the scythe
The way to escape all fear
Ha ha ha!
For you are trapped
And you shall never break free
Weep!
For you shall witness
Corruption, grief, PAIN
Live!
I am leaving this place
No one can silence your screams