I played Adventure of Link for the first time ever recently, and shit, that game is perhaps more esoterically difficult than Simon's Quest.
Why was this essay never written?
If you write it now, you can submit it to my workplace, a well-respected lit journal, and I will read it and take it very seriously.
All the essays I ever get to read are about people complaining that their moms are old or how they have writer's block so they decided to write a metatextual essay about having writer's block in order to overcome their writer's block while offering support to those that also have writer's block.
We never publish essays as a result.