AMAZON Review of the NEW DRAGONFORCE(this is hilarious)

J-Man

Old as Yoda
Jan 11, 2005
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This was taken from a review submitted for the new DRAGONFORCE CD 'Inhuman Bondage" and does not necessarily reflect the views of the thread poster, but hey after i get the CD who knows. Yes i do like Dragonforce, i think they would be a show worth seeing. Enough said enjoy the review.

Allow me to keep this short: I usually despise power metal bands, but Dragonforce is quite possibly the best band ever termed as such. Uplifting melodies delivered at hyperspeed velocities. I can't recall ever having so much fun listening to a band. Buy this as soon as you possibly can. Now, some Dragonforce facts:

-Little does everyone know, Dragonforce was the first metal band. Before Dragonforce, there was no metal. In fact, before Dragonforce, men lived in caves and hunted their prey.

- There are two types of metal: nu metal, and Dragonforce.

- A new study conducted by professors at Harvard University shows that Dragonforce is the only band worth listening to.

- The originators of Sonic the Hedgehog got the idea for the name of the character from the second Dragonforce album, Sonic Firestorm. How this was done before Dragonforce ever formed has yet to be determined.

- Whenever there is a threat to our homeland security, the President calls upon Dragonforce to save the day. They arrive in a homemade jet called the Dragonheart, riding with fire burning hot towards the night sky, and use all their might to slay the terrorists and fly off above the winter moonlight.

- Herman Li's hair is so long, he once clothed himself with it and nobody noticed he wasn't wearing anything.

- Herman Li's hair is so long, his windmill headbang is considered a deadly weapon, and he is not allowed on airplanes.

- Herman Li's hair is so long, he can swing it around in circles and propel himself into the air.

- In the race between the tortoise and the hare, Dragonforce won.

- Whenever you hear the sound of thunder in the sky, it's not the weather acting up. It's Dragonforce performing a private show for Elvis. 'Cause Elvis is down with the D-Force.

- Dragonforce taught David Lee Roth how to jump really high in his music videos.

- "The Shredder" from the Ninja Turtles was obviously a fan of Herman Li.

- Leading psychologists have conducted a new study that has determined that exposure to Dragonforce's highly uplifting melodies at an early age has greatly decreased suicide rates.

- Dragonforce's music is like a conga dance: 1, 2, 3, and kick every other power metal band's a**.

- Every member of Dragonforce has special powers. Sam has Medusa pants. Anyone who looks at his white, skin-tight jeans is immediately turned to stone. Herman has the "power of hair" which allows him to fly and to eliminate inferior musicians from a distance. Dave kicks the s**t out of people at a rate of fifty kicks to the face per second. Vadim's holy jeans are so mesmerizing, they stun his nu-metal enemies while he tears out every one of their veins and uses them as piano strings. ZP has the power of "b*lls in a vice grip" wich allows him to put his enemies' b*lls into a vice grip...

- When something is a little dull or plain, it either needs more cowbell, or more Dragonforce (or both.)

- In a race between a Ferrari and a Lamborgini, Dragonforce wins.

- The only two things visible from space with the naked eye are the Great Wall Of China and Herman Li's hair.

- Dragonforce tends to destroy all the buildings in which they play due to sonic booms.

- Ever since 1999, the year Dragonforce formed, sonic boom related deaths have risen tenfold.

- There's real music, and then there's Dragonforce. Dragonforce doesn't qualify as "real" music, because their skills are so godlike, their music couldn't possibly be created by man, and so it must be unreal.

- One time, Dragonforce played a gig near Mt. St. Helens in Washington state. A sonic boom from their speakers caused one whole side of the mountain to blow up. Little do most people know, that volcano was completely dormant.

- Historians made an important discovery this week when they discovered hidden documents from a thousand years ago, written by William the Conqueror. They appear to be part of his personal diary. In it, he writes his personal thoughts, opinions, and justifications for all of his conquests. He states that the true reason for his invasion of England was so he could go see Dragonforce.

- Chuck Norris listens to Dragonforce. 'Nuff said.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
It really looks as if Dragonforce might be the band to make metal popular in the US again. It certainly looks like Road Runner wants to promote them at least as well as they've promoted Slipknot.
 
Roadrunner did that for promotion and that goes along my theory. For years, MTV has brought musical scum to celebrity status to exercise their power and what they can get away with, Roadrunner decided to do the same. I'm not calling dragonforce musical scum but they are the type of band roadrunner execs would hate! If any other power metal band sent a demo to RR they wouldn't even get a reply. I think these executives were just sitting around and said "Dude, you know what would be funny as hell!!! Lets pick a random power metal band and make them huge over here...and possibly get them on Ozzfest!" Now you might ask, I seriously doubt a label would risk all that money just for the sake of an inside joke in exercising power over the US metal industry. Think Twice, all the bands they normally sign are metalcore bands or swedish death metal bands moving into that genre's fanbase, things could possibly be getting dull around there. They need some thing to spice up their mediocre lives, a little fun. If there so sure of their absolute power over the US metal industry why not pull something like this; there obviously promoting Dragonforce with toungue in cheek. Maybe after Dragonforce blows up huge they will pick another metal band no one expects them to give attention to. Maybe they will try something a little more risky and we might see Nitro Facts in a year!
 
adaher said:
It really looks as if Dragonforce might be the band to make metal popular in the US again. It certainly looks like Road Runner wants to promote them at least as well as they've promoted Slipknot.

I think you may be right. And it's about bloody time!
 
Anybody see the Dragonforce video on Headbangers ball last night? I found it quite amusing. During the twin solos toward the end of the song, Herman and Sam were the only ones in the scene. While Herman was doing his lead, Sam would drink a beer. Quite an entertaining video.
 
The only thing that I don't like about Dragonforce's recent surge in 'mainstream' popularity (and good for them for it, seriously) is that tons of the 'scene' kids (who, for the most part are posers who know a handful of bands and pretend to like them all) are introduced to power metal by one band. Then, start a conversation with "Do you like power metal? I just discovered Dragonforce. They own."

Then it becomes "Blind Guardian? Edguy? I've never heard them."

BAD.

Other than that, good for Dragonforce. Good for Roadrunner. Good for......Ozzfest... :(