Any Project Managing Prostate Massagers here?

[Dead Winter]

So I have to teach an English course on Project Management. They called me up the other day since I had some experience in the military with project management. Of course, our version of project management was, "Ok SSgt. Parks, you're in charge of this project. Get your troops together and manage it. I want a briefing at the end of the month on how it's going."

I told my boss this, and apparently she was happy with it. I guess the other teachers are monkeys with no imagination. They ARE English, after all , j/k.

She just wants to sell the course. SO...it looks like I'll just be winging it for the next few months. I was wondering if there were any project managers here, what advice would you have or websites you could point me to? Yes, I've already read the 7 Healthy Habits of Successful People a few years ago for a college class I was taking, so I'm planning on implementing some of that in there.

For me, Project Management is bullshit. A specific formula on how to manage something is dumb...it's all common sense and you just have to DO it. I think I'll just use the students as my resource and play off of them. Just in case, again, any of you who may have specific knowledge of this subject, could you point me in the right direction somehow? And yet again, I've got experience in the military with it, but the private sector is a bit different due to customer base and such.

Shit, I think in Italy they can turn ANYTHING into an English course.

 

[Will Bozarth]

hmm

 

[Dead Winter]

I'd say it's safe to say....

no.

 

[Will Bozarth]

Well, see.. english.. and fuckin... stuff!

 

[Shmu]

 

[Will Bozarth]

hahahaah

 

[Dead Winter]

You'll get more responses with that one. Good show, old bean.

 

[Will Bozarth]

el oh el

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

will, i think you need someone to manage the project of massaging your prostate.

 

[Lord Foul]

It's not all common sense. Some people just don't understand intuitively the idea that some tasks are dependent on others and must be done serially, while other tasks are independent and can be done in parallel. You can teach that fairly easily. I assume you aren't going to be teaching a class in high level event-chain methodology, since that is probability modeling stuff (and really doesn't apply to every style of project).

Edit: Now that this is about prostate massage devices, my above post may be invalid.

 

[Dead Winter]

I'm teaching the Information Technology division of the Italian Electrolux branch English...supposedly. I think they wanted to kinda morph the two to save money, so it's win-win for me in any case. I can teach both, although my department is English. If they don't like the course, it's not my problem and it wasn't my idea. Not my fault and no skin off my nose. If they DO like the course, I'll get kudos and credit for it and future classes out of it, i.e., more money.

It's amazing how people need to be told how to delegate, prioritize, and multi-task. It boggles the mind.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

it was hilarious listening to him figure out how to merge these two threads.

 

[Dead Winter]

He's got a way with words.

 

[Will Bozarth]

it wasn't the merging, it was the fucking renaming. UM needs more renaming things. in order to rename a thread with posts in it, you gotta fuckin DOUBLE CLICK it, then hurry up and hit STOP before it continues.

 

[Dead Winter]

Will, did you apply at DiscMakers or whatever it's called? News?

Sounds like a cool place to work.

 

[Lord Foul]

I'm teaching the Information Technology division of the Italian Electrolux branch English...supposedly. I think they wanted to kinda morph the two to save money, so it's win-win for me in any case. I can teach both, although my department is English. If they don't like the course, it's not my problem and it wasn't my idea. Not my fault and no skin off my nose. If they DO like the course, I'll get kudos and credit for it and future classes out of it, i.e., more money.

It's amazing how people need to be told how to delegate, prioritize, and multi-task. It boggles the mind.

Ah, IT project management. This is a topic I know a lot about. Observe:

1. Initiation of Project:

a. If there is a legitimate business need for this project, it falls into the "A" class of projects. IT will be the only ones who recognize the need.

Scope: Critical business process
Budget: None
Cost: Moderate
Timetable: 3-6 months

b. If there is no legitimate business need for this project, it falls into the "B" class of projects (whim of upper management).

Scope: Potentially unlimited and unattainable
Budget: Totally insufficient
Cost: Enormous
Timetable: Yesterday



2. Planning and Implementation:

"A" Class: You have no budget for this project, and should not even have brought it to the attention of upper management. Quietly find a free solution or write your own if necessary. Never indicate that things are running at less than 100% at any time.

"B" Class: There is no way to complete this project on time, under budget, or to the satisfaction of those who initiated it.



3. Closing and Maintenance:

"A" Class: This is your job, you should know how to do it.

"B" Class: Thankfully, everyone will have forgotten about it within a month of rolling it out to the company (with associated fanfare), and the associated resources will fall into dusty disuse. Immediately reclaim for use in "A" Class projects later, as this is essentially the only way to acquire new resources.

 

[Dead Winter]

Yup...that's it in a nutshell.

The military was worse because there's NEVER a budget when your money comes from the DOD in a post 9-11 environment. Ask and ye shall receive.

This spurred on a whole lot of brainstorming, or what I called "shitstorming" from the upper tier...always wanting to leave their mark wherever they go and it doesn't matter if it's costly, completely irrelevant and outdated, a tangent from the mission, and/or just a fuckin' stupid idea. Integrity? Fuck that! I gotta get a good score on my officer's performance report or else I'll have to kiss ass for another solid year!