Attn: Jerkheads using the printer

[TheNewChupe]

Just because my cube sits opposite the printer does NOT mean I am an office supply store.

1) Do not ask me to use my stapler. I have put a new one on the table next to the printer so shut it.

2) Do not ask me to use my red pen. I will, however, chop off your finger to oblige you otherwise.

3) Do not ask me for scissors- I don't have any. (so as to avoid random acts of #2)

4) Do not congregate around the printer to discuss any of the following:
- what you are having for lunch and how many Weight Watchers points it is
- the stupid things your wretched offspring say
- dumb gossip about who is not carrying their work load and whether they should be fired or not (you have less authority than the stapler i left on the table by the printer)
- your opinions on last night's hockey/baseball/football/basketball/cricket game. You will never work for ESPN and I don't want to hear about how you could've thrown a pass better than that stupid Kurt Warner because you were more at age 3 than you have ever/will ever amount(ed) to since.


Anything but compliance will be seen as an act of war.

Sincerely,
Chupe J Chupington

 

[kleo706]

At first glance, I thought this thread was about Action Jackson

 

[minxnim]

i have a printer AND a fax right behind my desk... total lingering coworker central

 

[lizard]

excellent summation.

you probably also get: "this message says 'low toner.' can you change the toner cartridge for me?"

 

[TheNewChupe]

^ True indeed. Don't worry sir, we won't disturb you again with such inquiry or concern. I understand such concerns since sometimes I also experience such things since I also have some few knowledge about printers. Anyway, have a great day.

What day is it? Oh nevermind, I just checked Twitter.

What's a Twitter?

 

[pauldrake]

Just because my cube sits opposite the printer like Ink Jet Super Store Canada
does NOT mean I am an office supply store.

1) Do not ask me to use my stapler. I have put a new one on the table next to the printer so shut it.

2) Do not ask me to use my red pen. I will, however, chop off your finger to oblige you otherwise.

3) Do not ask me for scissors- I don't have any. (so as to avoid random acts of #2)

4) Do not congregate around the printer to discuss any of the following:
- what you are having for lunch and how many Weight Watchers points it is
- the stupid things your wretched offspring say
- dumb gossip about who is not carrying their work load and whether they should be fired or not (you have less authority than the stapler i left on the table by the printer)
- your opinions on last night's hockey/baseball/football/basketball/cricket game. You will never work for ESPN and I don't want to hear about how you could've thrown a pass better than that stupid Kurt Warner because you were more at age 3 than you have ever/will ever amount(ed) to since.


Anything but compliance will be seen as an act of war.

Sincerely,
Chupe J Chupington

^ True indeed. Don't worry sir, we won't disturb you again with such inquiry or concern. I understand such concerns since sometimes I also experience such things since I also have some few knowledge about printers. Anyway, have a great day.