Band dilemmas, Commitment issues. To quit or not to quit.

[Ionei]

Hey,

Sooooo I am in a fucking shit of a position at the moment.
My band is meant to play a Battle this Friday.
Problem is everyone seems to not give a fuck about practicing.
Singer hasn't written his lyrics yet, bassist trys to avoid practice, drummer DOESN'T practice unless its AT band practice.
People just don't seem to be pulling their weight.
I am the main song writer of the band, I program all the loops(the singer is meant to be the keys player) I write the drums(out of habit, I can't stand writing guitar and it being empty with no drums) I teach the bass player how to play bass correctly.
I can't stand this shit.
I put so much effort into getting a set together(we started writing a set and practicing again a couple of days after we found out about the battle, a little over weeks ago now) organizing practices, programming all our sounds, getting our live loops prepared, teaching the bassist the songs.

This band has been together since last year and before the start of this three week period we had maybe 6 practices SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR.

It seems to me like no one is committed except for me.
Like no one else even gives a fuck about their instrument except me.

I've jammed with the singer and drummer since I first started playing.
I've played a lot of shows with them.
They are cool dudes, and cool dudes to play music with.
I just don't think they can take music seriously.

I'm thinking it may be time to call it quits on this band and ever trying to have a musical relationship with these people.
They just don't seem to put any effort into the music.

I said to my self before we started to practice for battle that this was it.
My last shot at playing music with these guys, that if they didn't try hard to get their shit together that I would call it quits on this band.
Fuck I gave up a position in an established band in Melbourne that was already signed and had their shit together to be in this band.

The worst part of it is that there are hardly any people in my area who are good at their instrument bar a band that I am friends with and could have potentially joined(but didn't due to my singer in this band being kicked out of that band, and their former lead guitarist who I am friends with being kicked out, didn't wanna ruin a friendship for a band)

I think maybe I should just message the organizers of the BOTB and tell them we can't play.
I don't want to walk on stage with a band that could win if they tried just to lose(we've won battles before against established bands in our area, and this battle has some pretty pathetic bands playing)

Fuck I am sounding like a huge arrogant cunt.
But I'm trying to tell it how it is as much as I can.

Anyone ever been in a band like this?
Any one wanna give me some advice on what to do?
I REALLY like the music we write/play and the guys in the band are my best friends and we get along great, but it just seems as if none of them can put the effort in.

I'm sitting here waiting for a reply from my bassist to know if he is coming to practice, when he said he would come at 3 oclock today.
And waiting for my singer to come around so I can help him write his lyrics because they need to be in for the battle tomorrow.

Shit is just stressful.
I could have been in a nice acoustic duo or jam band entering this battle and had a fun time and it would have been chill.
But no, I chose this band over that because I didn't want to compete against my self.

End arrogant rant.
I really must of come off like a jerk if you read all that.

TD;LR In band, people don't put in much effort, should quit, maybe?

Just really needed to get that shit off my chest and maybe get some help on the matter.

Cheers,
Ionei.

 

[HeadCrusher]

Lay it out to them and tell them that things need to change. Set a deadline for yourself. If it goes by and they didn't do what you expected them to do quit. Your time is far too valuable to just loose it by fooling around with wannabes.

 

[Keregioz]

If it comes to a point where you have to tell them to put more effort into it instead of realizing it themselves then there's no hope. Even if they listen to you and agree to try harder it will only be temporary because it will be something they do because of you not because they honestly want to. People don't change. The only reason to keep this band is if, like you said, you are good friends with them and you're having fun hanging out together. If you want more than that I don't see it happening based on the situation you describe.

 

[joelplagues]

definatley been in that situation. just leave. sorry but do it.

I had some great friends who I really got a kick out of playing music with but when it came to the crunch they were REALLY unreliable.

so I took a break as a test and noticed that the band did nothing for weeks because I wasn't there to hold their hands so I just up and left.

playing good music isn't worth doing if your the only one doing everything. youll end up hateing it more and more.

just my 2 cents

 

[HeadCrusher]

If it comes to a point where you have to tell them to put more effort into it instead of realizing it themselves then there's no hope. Even if they listen to you and agree to try harder it will only be temporary because it will be something they do because of you not because they honestly want to. People don't change. The only reason to keep this band is if, like you said, you are good friends with them and you're having fun hanging out together. If you want more than that I don't see it happening based on the situation you describe.

Good point.

 

[greyskull]

If you're not having fun any more... quit
find some people who are more on your level.
You've got to understand that some people are really proactive and really want to drive and to go somewhere with the band;
some people want to just play music with friends and have fun.
A mix of those two kinds of people doesn't often end well

 

[Ermz]

I'm with Keregioz. You can't hope to keep these people afloat yourself. Either they have the drive and desire to be in a professional band or they don't. My inclination is always to call it a day and start anew, with the right ingredients.

Best of luck to you. I know of too many bands in this position.

 

[Torniojaws]

One problem might be the fact that you do everything music-related in the band. I've noticed this many times - if the player has little to no input on their parts (everything written beforehand by someone else), they will quite quickly lose interest. Perhaps you should try to give them a shot to write their own parts? It might be the key, despite how annoying it is for you as the writer (I know the feeling ).

 

[colonel kurtz]

honestly in my experience, most people out there want to be in a band just so that they can say they're in a band...most likely to try to get pussy

people who are actually passionate and driven about making music and having it be a priority are few and far between, but don't bother wasting your time with the sort of lazy douches that you are now, because the only end result will be anger, frustration, and disappointment.

 

[Notuern]

I quit my old band for this exact same reason.
I owned my guitaramps(Randall RM100+Carvin X100B), and i put another one out to our guitarist while he saved up to buy a new one, i owned the pa-system and the microphones our singer used and i was the only one who knew how to play our material.
Our singer would always come in and say that he had "written a new song", but in reality all he had done was make one riff with a small vocal idea to it.
Our drummer never practiced, and shrugged back when i asked him to practice to a metronome.

I ended up talking to them.. they didnt get it, so i took all my shit back and left.
They still didnt get it.

 

[JayB]

after reading the 1st four lines , I say quit.
And Hide ya kids , hide ya wife

 

[bryan_kilco]

I've totally been there.

Luckily, the band I'm in now, everyone is pretty good with practicing outside of practice, minus the drummer because he really cant. We've been together about 5 months or so and we practice 2-3 times a week and it feels great.

Im kinda on the other side of the fence; where I'm getting frustrated with peoples outside skills like CLEANING the jam space and keeping it clean. Stuff like that, just irks me....or ....one member...who doesnt have to lug around a 4x12 cab or guitar or amp...just kinda hangs out talking to other bands at venues while the rest of us are trying to rush gear on/off stage.....

 

[DanLights]

Been there a million times, and agree a million times with Keregioz, they won't change. Throw their asses out and find people who do want to take it seriously

 

[Mago]

You have to rehearsal on a regular basis, it the basic requirement for a band that want's to play live.
Until we only rehearsed loosely, because we didn't have to pay for the room (drummers basement, shitty PA) the same issues accourd to me at times.
Also because playing down there wasn't a lot of fun though, because we couldnt hear shit....
But since I told them that I want this to be more serious and we moved to a pro reheasalspace we get our shit together and play at least once a week, it solved the problem.
I also thought that one of the guys was more on a party-attitude rather than for the music. he also was my best fried, so it didn't make things easy when I told him to get his shit together or I'll look for someone who's able to do so.
I guess with most people it's right that they don't change (been there too, stoped working with them), but sometimes it's about understanding that the stuff got more serious than they thought it would be.
Good luck anyway man!

 

[Ionei]

So the other day I told everyone that if we didn't have our shit together for this show I was wiping my hands clean of this band and going onto trying new things with other bands.
The singer then replied with "lol, I quit"
I said he could come around anytime he wanted to pick up his gear and that I was going to pay him back for some dosh I owe him next week.
he said he didn't care and that I was better than the band.
I said no and that if everyone had tried their hardest it would have happened and we would have gotten our shit together.
He replied saying that he just hadn't been motivated and that he wasn't going to try to make any excuses.
I said no hard feelings.
Then the drummer rocked up(my best friend) I told him what had happened.
He started to convince me that maybe we should try and get the singer to get motivated(also one of our best friends)
I messaged him asking if he could just be motivated this as it was at a place we all had always wanted to play a show, ever since we started playing music it had been a goal of ours to play there.
He said he would try.
Then I got a text from the bassist saying that we shouldn't give up even if we don't play the battle and that we had done more in the past few weeks than we had in the past six months.

The combined optimism of both the drummer and bassist had gotten me keen again.
And the singer said he would try.

So after two days practice everything is sounding better than ever.
The bassist knows all his songs.
The drummer is playing his shit HEAPS better.
And the singer has written all the lyrics for the songs.

It seems as if my threat worked, but only due to the fact that the bassist and drummer convinced me that it was worth another go.

The battle is in one nights time.
Tomorrow is our last practice, our first real practice with our stage set-up(running loops live with a mixer from an iPod, up until now we all just practiced with click and loops through the P.A)

I'm keen for this show.
And keen for writing and recording our music after this show.
Everyone seems keener than ever,.
So stoked.

Cheers guy for all the advice!
Really helped me not explode at them and to keep my head.
I'm thinking that if the band starts to slow I am just going to push hard and get shit done, because after we have this set and are getting shows all we have to do is practice once or twice a week.
And playing shows is always a HUGE motivator for band members(at least in my experience)

Thanks again guys!
You guys rock!

 

[updog]

Excellent, congrats! Hopefully the show goes well for you guys