Bottom 10 Albums

[NAD]

Give me your worst 10 albums ever list, using whatever methodology that speaks to thee. My only parameter is that these are the shittiest albums I know that, for whatever reason, I still own a copy of. I have given away many albums that are better than the following:

Danzig - Skeletons
I am one of the biggest Danzig fanboys on the planet. I own a copy of every single recording Danzig has ever been a part of, except the single on the Hangover II soundtrack (I'll get that later). My least favoUrite Danzig release is Satan's Child and I would even give that a 7/10 rating. But this? This is awful. AWFUL. It is embarrassing to listen to, other than the closing track, which is somehow great.

Agalloch - Alpha Serpentis (Unukalhai)
No member of the band Agalloch is on this Agalloch release. WTF?

Metallica - Reload
Oh sure, Lulu and St. Anger are far worse, but I don't own those. And by comparison, I actually feel emotions toward both of those (mostly rage). This album is just plain useless. Not good enough to enjoy, not bad enough to hate. It just sits there on my shelf, doing nothing. Historically speaking, Load is probably the most terrible thing this band ever did, but I don't own that one either. Also, I kind of like Load. WTF?

Blackstar - Barbed Wire Soul
The last time I spun this, all the way through, I took the CD out of the player and looked it right in the centerhole, stating: "The best part about this album is that I never have to hear it again." And hey, I still really like Swansong.

Queens of the Stone Age - Era Vulgaris
It sounds like strep throat feels. Zero redeeming qualities.

Hypocrisy - Catch 22
The first time I listened to this album was on March 22nd, 2002.
The last time I listened to this album was on March 22nd, 2002.

Future Sound of London - The Isness
Rock n' roll from the 1960s was amazing. Except for all the shit that sounded like this.

Ulver - Childhood's End
See above.

Korn - Life is Peachy
When their first album came out, I thought "hey this nu-metal stuff is kind of cool." When this second album came out I thought "hey this nu-metal stuff is not very good." A few years later I dismissed the entire genre (unless you count Roots and Ultraspank). I actually gave this album away once, but later took it back from the same person I gave it to. Why? I still don't know.

Eerie Von - Bad Dream No. 13
I love this dude's solo releases, even if only one is actually any good. But this one is painful to listen to, even bad by his very low standards. I've cleaned up dogshit more interesting than this.

 

[einride]

hmm. i mean i have heard a lot of really bad shit (for instance: that one russian manowar tribute album) but i would be here forever unless i limit myself to stuff i own. and it turns out i have almost nothing that is bad in an interesting or fun way, only stuff that makes me snooze

i'm looking through my collection and there are few real true stinkers, but so-called fields of the nephilim post-elizium can get the fuck out. i got a couple of the singles or eps or whatever used for a couple of bucks and figured how bad can it be? turns out: very bad

also nothing - nondescript sucks. bought during my MUST BUY EVERYTHING THAT HAS ANY RELATION TO AGALLOCH phase. (but the grey subaudible that came out only a year later is a huge step up and actually cool)

OH. WAIT. i just recalled this though. i own this on physical cd. not by will but by chance. i got it in a lot of cd's from a friend who was clearing out his collection.

this is a self produced cd from 1997 that is so obscure not even youtube has it. i guess i gotta rip and upload. i might do that later to liven up this thread a bit because this shit has got to be heard to be believed

EDIT: OH LOOK IT'S ON SOUNDCLOUD





check this shit out

YOU ARE THE CLOWN
PAINTED SMILE
PAID TO SMILE
THEY LAUGH AT YOU
BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM TO
BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS A CLOWN
BEHIND THE SMILE
THEY ALWAYS LAUGHED AT YOU
EVEN WHEN YOU DIDN'T WANT THEM TO

makes you think

and the music sounds like the soundtrack to DESCENT for MS-DOS if someone sat on the keyboard while the guy was trying to record his parts and also with bored chester bennington on vocals

 

[illegalsoul]

As this is a metal forum, I'm going to stick only to the worst metal albums I've heard. They will mostly be from established acts with other works that I actually do enjoy, at least in the "horrible-but-not-pure-SHIT" half of the list. I haven't heard Illud Divinum Insanus but I'm sure it'd probably belong on this list if I did. Anyhow, in rough order from bad to worst.

Anthrax - Stomp 442 / Volume 8: The Threat Is Real
Sound of White Noise was a good album that had some dope songs on it, and I'm sure many (who weren't immediately turned off by the turn away from thrash) thought the John Bush era would have more good music to follow. Yet these two albums...there's a reason I lumped them together: I remember exactly one song between the two of them. Boring ass trend-hopping forgettable groove metal.

Forbidden - Green
A huge fall from grace for this band, very limp and boring album. I remember nothing about it, really, except that it's a boring groove metal album that is...not even remotely on the same planet as their best works. Even the boring Distortion was cooler than this, that had more bite to it.

Devastation - Violent Termination
Devastation's album Idolatry is a classic of the harder end of thrash. This debut album, however, is an anti-classic. Devastation never had the best vocals but here their singer sounds like he's just kind of tiredly wining into the mic...one of the worst metal vocal performances I've heard. The production is bad, too, and the riffs just sound so low-energy. Like thrash, as done by really bored amateurs. This at least gives me confidence that if I put out a shitty album like this, I could go on to put out some incredible music years later.

Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu
I appreciate that Metallica wanted to experiment, I really do. I also genuinely do think there is some great material buried in this album; Iced Honey, Cheat On Me, and Frustration are three good songs in fact. But even those songs suffer under the weight of Lou Reed's incredibly awkward poetry reading, which is one of the things that just kills this album by and large. Beyond the fact that he sounds like a rambling, tired old man lost in the wrong studio, some of the shit he's saying is just..."I will swallow your sharpest cutter like a colored man's dick!" "Sunny, a monkey then to monkey..." Like, get out of here with that shit. Another big problem is that James has some goofy lyrics seemingly sung with full seriousness that suck any of the high-concept emotion they were going for right out of these songs, like "SMALL TOWN GURLLL" in Brandenburg Gate or "I AM THE TABLE!" in The View. It also tries to waste my fucking time with songs that go nowhere, like Mistress Dread's two or three riffs stretched to nearly seven minutes, or Dragon's eleven minutes of bullshit with one good riff.

Pantera - Metal Magic
Not much to say about this but it's really not a good debut by any means, really just incredibly derivative and lame glam metal with a hilariously bad cover. I will at least admit that Power Metal (the album) is an incredibly underrated achievement of Pantera's. It's interesting how bands can evolve so much...

Queensrÿche - Dedicated to Chaos
Geoff Tate tries really hard to be "hip" on this album, and the results are really something else. The result is just impossible to take seriously, but I'll give it credit for making me laugh a few times. Lyrics on Hot Spot Junkie: "I'm addicted to the wi-fi way", "The world wide web and all the pictures on YouTube (YOUTUBE)". And Wot We Do, in both its title and its absolutely vapid attempt at trying to be something that could hit the radio, is the BOTTOM point of Queensrÿche's entire discography. Thank goodness they got away from Geoff Tate, really.

Hello Kitty Suicide Club - ^_^
MIDI grindcore with Nintendo themed song titles...yep. It's trying to be funny, and failing. At least the cover art is cute, and Smashing Babies With Rocks is a passable MIDI metal instrumental. Reminds me of the music from Doom 1 and 2.

Wheelz of Steel - Volume One
Okay, this is more hard rock than heavy metal, but I'm giving it mention just to give this hilarious work of art more exposure. As someone in YouTube comments said, it's like a combination of Lung by Big Black with The Shaggs. There's a mix of hard rock guitars and a barely on-time TR-808. But maybe I shouldn't make too much fun of it, as also from YouTube comments: "My very first gig (I was 17), we went up against these guys in a battle of the bands. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but they sounded better on this recording than they did live. It was two guys in wheelchairs and a drum machine. We brought a lot of friends and family. They brought all their tickets and stuffed the ballot box and won." So the name comes from them being two guys in wheelchairs...perhaps it's a bit in bad taste to mock this. However it does suck ass regardless, sorry.

Thrash Queen - Manslayer
This is a legendarily bad album, but to those who still haven't heard it, the generic ass music is compounded by the worst thrash metal production—nay, the worst production period—I've ever heard. I do like the part that goes "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" in the title track at least, haha.

Thrash Queen - Ashes to Ashes
Despite the name and shared logo, this is not at all the same band at all! Apparently there was a record label in Germany called Metal Enterprises that would buy up the rights to incredibly obscure shitty metal bands, then shat out albums even shittier than those bands' original works under their name. This album certainly sounds like it, with a tinny ass drum machine and corny generic metal riffs, and a Soprano waaay out of her element, belting out whatever incoherent crap those scam artists wrote. Check out the track Vox of Thrash if you want a good laugh. "THRASH, THRASH! PEOPLE, VOX OF THRASH!" "LET'S MAKE LOVE IN THE POOL! LET'S MAKE LOVE IN THE REFRIGERATOR!" And the cover art...just LOL.

 

[Krilons Resa]

I'm not sure but this is definitely one of them....I remember buying it at the the time because the cover art (WTF?!), because it was on Roadrunner, and the stupid-ass marketing sticker on the front said some random hyperbole endcapped with FFO: Tool, Jane's Addiction, AiC. Yeah, big mistake... I've sold around 700 CD's on Ebay and traded away many others here on UM over the years and, for some reason, this fucker is still sitting on my shelf.



This has the potential to be a GREAT thread.

 

[einride]

Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu
Pantera - Metal Magic
Queensrÿche - Dedicated to Chaos
Wheelz of Steel - Volume One
Thrash Queen - Manslayer
Thrash Queen - Ashes to Ashes

i don't know what it says about me that i've heard all of the above

i think "metal magic" doesn't really deserve to be on the list, it's bad and generic but if pantera would not have become A Thing eventually then it would be just simply forgotten about; no more bad and generic than literally hundreds of other one-album wonders from the 80's

i'll add "operation: mindcrime II" actually, it's one of the absolute worst things i've heard. it's like anti-music. imo it is worse than "dedicated to chaos" even because of the cynicism & circumstance behind its creation, the amateurish/no-fucks-given production, and it pretending to be things it clearly is not (metal, good, important, a worthy successor to o:mc, etc.)

and i mean let's not even get into "frequency unknown"

 

[NAD]

I would've totally given $5 for that Lunar Crush album at a local show, based on the artwork alone.

Also maybe it's just the 11% beer talking but I just realized the following math equation, which seems relevant to the thread at hand:

Orion + Mama Said = My Friend of Misery

 

[einride]

also i wanna bump this now that there are people in the forum again because this thread died a premature death and i love bad music

 

[J.]

I have that hypocrisy for completist reasons. Its damn awful

I have fear factory trangression for the same reason. Just as terrible vut i dig it sometimes. I mean cmon...ff covering u2. Give me a fucking break

Oh. If you want bad...listen to Pazuzu's debut. I love it! The song below turns in Cookie Monster Demon Porn. Just listen to the first 2 minutes



Just listen to this shit

 

[Krilons Resa]

I still have that piece of shit ANYONE album I listed above. Dunno why I didn't toss it along with the other shelf-turds in my collection. I know that I definitely tried selling that bitch on Ebay a few times to no avail. I remember the bassist had some dumbass gimmick that I can't recall at the moment and the drummer's name was "Nipples."

I think I haven't thrown it away yet because it reminds me of a certain time of my life when I blind bought it at my favorite hometown indie record store when I was young.



^The comments section blows my mind.

Lazy Hazy

Just look at these assholes.

 

[einride]

I know that I definitely tried selling that bitch on Ebay a few times to no avail.

https://www.discogs.com/sell/list?master_id=251890&ev=mb -- 88 for sale from $0.90... good luck

jesus man this sucks balls. roadrunner records released this shit? i mean not that roadrunner was ever a good label but you'd think they'd have some semblance of quality control

 

[einride]

Just listen to this shit

lmao

at least this is funny-bad and not painful-bad

 

[Krilons Resa]

https://www.discogs.com/sell/list?master_id=251890&ev=mb -- 88 for sale from $0.90... good luck

jesus man this sucks balls. roadrunner records released this shit? i mean not that roadrunner was ever a good label but you'd think they'd have some semblance of quality control

Want a real guffaw?

The band toured in support of their debut studio album, notably at the Reading Festival, Leeds Festival and Lowland Festival as well as three American tours. The album was named #9 on the Metal Hammer year end chart for Metal Hammer's Albums Of 2001 list.[3] Other awards include "best band" Los Angeles Music Awards.

I wasn't even aware of this until just now. Collective insanity I tells ya!

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - J. Krishnamurti

 

[NAD]

I'm in for the drummer name.

Oh wow this is bad. This is like if Coal Chamber was a really awful Jane's Addiction cover band. Eww!

 

[Krilons Resa]

 

[Krilons Resa]

Aw man....Just read the reviews at Amazon. Even better!!!

https://www.amazon.com/Anyone/dp/B00004WMXP

Take a hit of experience. This band is out to change the world but they plan on doing that with love and great tunes.

There is a few bands that come along and change the style of metal and i think we are about to expierience the beginning of a new overwhelming and exciting style of metal that has been lost since the days of ZEPPLIN and FLOYD . This album is true rock n roll all the way!

The huge sound of Metallica without the monotony. I've given it to numerous friends as a gift, and everyone gets into it.

 

[Ellestin]

the first Pazuzu was indeed hard to stomach, the second album is comparatively a masterpiece even if it remains pretty lightweight dungeon synth

 

[Krilons Resa]

Oh, I thought this thread was almost exclusively about "dungeon synth."

 

[J.]

the first Pazuzu was indeed hard to stomach, the second album is comparatively a masterpiece even if it remains pretty lightweight dungeon synth

The guy turned out a decently enjoyable album in Malice in Wonderland