Get off the freeway at 2:30pm, get into a parking space around 4pm but thankfully sold off the extra ticket in the process. Met some chicks, one okay, one not, one cute and very small barely English speaking Japanese foreign exchange student. We gave them ice for their Jagermeister, and watched them fall in the parking lot, pretty rad. Finish several beers concealed in our Icee cups (fuck yeah, Wild Cherry Icees from Barco!), get inside the shit. Wander around for a bit, and I started noticing the real lack of product placement which pleased me. Yes all the beercups said Heineken, but other than explicit booths for selling shit and a prop plane flying a Napster.com ad high above, that was about it. And even then, I think Virgin was the only corporate booth, they were selling CDs and shit. Anyhow, so before getting any serious drinking or musicing underway, we did what all good festival hippies do: ate some falafel, a virgin voyage for both of us. I liked it. Jon's peed on him. Right, we better get some beer now. The next several hours were spent drinking beer, watching titties, and pissing. Ran into those 3 chicks again, they were asking about my Zappa shirt, a dude which they had no fucking clue of (and the Japbint couldn't say his name). Even so, I decided that if we saw them a 3rd time at least one we be naked, even the big one if necessary. Wasn't meant to be though, that was the last we caught view of them. We better go get some gyros, god DAMN they were good. By this point it's getting dark, I forgot my glasses so can't see shit, and Jon is fuckin' hammered. Caught the last 20 minutes of Digable Planets, who I did not think were cool like dat, cool like dat, cool like dat, cool like dat. Jon says "goonight!" and takes a load off. The second they were done he jumps up yelling "YEAH!!! THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE PASSED OUT WHITEBOY IN THE LAWN!!!" Next is Mogwai, the first band I actually really wanted to see. Had never heard them before, but knew they were part of the whole post-rock pretty-noise scene of bands like Mono, Pelican, Isis, etc. They were really fucking good, like a My Bloody Valentine with more crescendos and less pop structure. Rad. Oh yeah and during their set Jon kept getting RedBullVodKas so was getting progressively hammered and belligerent, coke-style, in the process. By now it's dark, we've seen everything anyhow, so it's time to sit in the beer gardens and wait another few hours for Tool. Caught about half of Massive Attack's set, and it has been determined that I need something by them. I had stopped drinking so I could still function for the long ride home, but inbetween talking to black chicks and drinking more RedBullVodFucks, Jon says "fuck that chick and then bash her head in with a brick" for about the ninth time of the day. This is about when Jon decides he's tired of walking to the portashitters, so starts pissing outside. Well okay, he only did that twice, but the second time he peed on my hat because he was using it as a shield during Tool, I guess it really is a pith hat now. Right, time to find a spot for what we came to dun sawr, so we head out of the beer garden and into the sea of idiots during the last few songs of Massive Attack, who as I said earlier, were rocking. Picked a spot that I liked, Jon said "we better move about 100 feet over that way." Okay, and it was another fine spot. "Man, we better move about 100 feet over that way." Okay, and it was another fine spot. "Man, we better..." You see where is going. Finally I say "fuckit, I'm staying right here" although that didn't stick until the 3rd time I tried. By then the crowd was on the verge of impatience, and Jon leans over "mannnn, now you're mad at me and won't talk" so he grabs my dick, hahaha fuckin' fag. Anyhow this is about when Tool started, and well, they fucking ruled. The setlist was something like Stinkfist, Sober, Lateralus, The Pot, Jambi, Vicarious, Schism, 46 & 2, ÆNEMA, Aeon Blue Apocalypse, The Patient, and... I think that's it. Not many Maynardisms, but one that I liked was "new album comes out midnight tomorrow, I know you fuckers already downloaded it. Do me a favor though, I'm trying to get this big popcorn chunk of gold to put on my ring. Help me out, I'm destitute. I actually want 4, so then I can wear them and punch you in the face so it looks like you got beat up by popcorn." The new material is very strong. The old material still kicks my dick in. Jon and I created a whirlwind of hair and fists that kept everyone away from us. It was amazing.
Cliff notes: Tool rocked and there were titties everywhere.
Cliff notes: Tool rocked and there were titties everywhere.
