Corrections

Schmielden

Member
Jul 23, 2007
43
0
6
Hey,

I'm not an english language native, and I'm looking for sympathic and talentuous metal maniacs to do corrections and give the true feeling to the songs I wrote.

My band plays in France, we're going to record our songs (they will be free downloadable on our site, music belong to human kind, and has to be shared) but the lyrics are writen by us the best we can, and I search someones to correct them and make them excellent.

This is one we are going to record soon :

THE WOUND
Haunted, every night
By the fear, deep inside
Help me to find the exit
Every dream becomes a nightmare
I'll never find peace of mind
Until the end of your life
My fate is sealed to your demise
To live free you must die !

If it's not you, it shall be me
I cannot conceive, we're both alive

Do you realise, you broke my life
No matter I'm unwise, I wish you die
Cry for my mercy, I'm not almighty
I cannot control me, something acts to set me free

My wound is healed now you are dead


Thanks for every answer.
 
Why don't you just write lyrics in your native language? I feel that preserves the passion much better, and that not enough bands do that.
 
Hahaha, I love German.

Anyways, I have to say that it would be better to write in your original language, as there are some feelings that just can't be translated.
 
That's obviously true of most languages(loss of meannig in translation), but German is not a very melodic language, which is ONE of the reasons, I guess, why many German musicians opt for writing their songs in English.
 
That's obviously true of most languages(loss of meannig in translation), but German is not a very melodic language, which is ONE of the reasons, I guess, why many German musicians opt for writing their songs in English.

True. It's also the case with French it doesn't flow as well as English in songs.
 
In fact, many groups of Metal in France are singing in french, but they can't get an international influence.

We have tried to translate our songs into french, but it doesn't sound as we wish. In french, if you play metal, you are taken between "humoristic" or "senseless poetry". That's not what we want.

And we love english... so why can't I sing in english, if I find people to help me to find the flow.
 
What style is the music? I ask because if there is any requirement for rhyming or even wanting to start or end lines on a certain sound, then changes could mess that up. Or are you just looking to make the writing itself more poetic, proper and flow better?
 
there isn't anything really wrong with the lyrics you posted. there's a few spots (mainly in the last stanza) that kind of make me go :erk: , but it's nothing huge
 
Overall it is already pretty good, and most everything makes sense and doesn't sound dumb. Here are a few ideas:

THE WOUND
Haunted, every night
By the fear, deep inside
Help me to find the exit
Exit is fine, but I think this flows better:

Help me to find the [escape]

Every dream becomes a nightmare
I'll never find peace of mind
Until the end of your life
My fate is sealed to your demise
To live free you must die !

If it's not you, it shall be me
I cannot conceive, we're both alive

I cannot [thrive if] we're both alive
I cannot [survive if] we're both alive
Coexistence is not an option
Coexistence will not do
Coexistence just will not work
To coexist is for me to suffer
To coexist is for me to suffocate
To coexist is for me suffocation
To coexist is for me unbearable


Do you realise, you broke my life
No matter I'm unwise, I wish you die

Not fully understanding this line. Are you saying that you don't care if it is an unwise choice for you to want the person dead?

Cry for my mercy, I'm not almighty
I cannot control me, something acts to set me free

My wound is healed now you are dead
 
they are alternate forms of spelling the same word like color/colour, neighbor/ neighbour, analyse/analyze, etc. (American and British )It doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
 
I agree. Fuck it, write in your mother tongue. English is a shit language for music anyway, the best operas are brilliant examples!

LIES!

English is a grand language in that it has an immense vocabulary to choose from. Sure, other languages like German are more concise and might better express your feelings, but English is most certainly NOT a shitty language for music. Otherwise thousands of bands would not have forsaken their own native tongue to write in it.