Corrections

[DarkBliss]

Not really. It has more to do with the fact that most bands want to reach a wider audience.

 

[MasterOLightning]

Meh. From what I understand, Norwegian, for example, has a far more limited vocabulary, which is why so many of the old bands chose English (or even German). Swedish too, apparently.

 

[cookiecutter]

Hubster just dislikes things that are related to America. English is just as nice a language as an other.

As for "corrections" I'd suggest these changes.

Do you realise, you broke my life
No matter if I'm insane, I wish you were dead
Cry for my mercy, I'm not almighty
I cannot control myself, something struggles to set me free

 

[Schmielden]

Thanks for your corrections Cookiecutter.
I think I would have problems with the flow but I will try at the next repeat'. But is my original writing correct ?

 

[cookiecutter]

Your original writing seems correct to me, but the word choice is strange. The word "unwise" does not really work in my opinion.

 

[ohiogrinder]

Hubster just dislikes things that are related to America.

typical foreigner....

 

[Ben_t]

typical foreigner....

I can only hope that you're not the typical american...

 

[Schmielden]

Your original writing seems correct to me, but the word choice is strange. The word "unwise" does not really work in my opinion.

Ok, this is exactly what I'm searching by asking for correction : to have words that really work, and to do not use strange words. Thank you very much, cookiecutter.

 

[Schmielden]

For other songs to correct, please look at self promotion, this is where the admin' put my last post.

 

[Dee Snarl]

English is a particularly flexible and evocative language. Ecellent language for music, which is one way reason "almost everyone" uses it, the other of course being that if you don't sing in English, you don't break into the major Western music market (unless you're Nena or Rammstein).

 

[Ereshkigala]

No matter I'm unwise, I wish you die

I think you mean "dead" and not "die." "To die" would probably be the correct version of what you meant to say.

The wording is a bit odd, but nothing comical, and generally acceptable considering that they're song lyrics. Aside from that particular line, it doesn't sound like you're unfamiliar with the language. You'll need to add some punctuation, if you print the lyrics, but the words are fine.

 

[Schmielden]

Ok, thanks, I've recorded the song and the lyrics, adding all your advises.

I'll put the song on line when the mastering will be done.

There is a new song to correct, and again, thanks for all suggestions :

FRUSTRATION INJECTION :

I need to know to light the way,
To lead my life and remind me
the meaning that has flown away.

Existence is just a game
But the rules are not the same
For everyone, it's a shame

I need someone to share my life,
someone to hold me when I'm down,
To take my hand when I will die.

Looking for a soul mate,
Consumption controls my fate,
I take and throw then desperate.

I need the right to set me free,
Power is a tyranny
When Justice is not guaranteed.

Money rules the policy
Protecting criminality
How can I trust passivity.

I need to have something, to be
More attractive desperatly,
I want some fun eternally.

Wandering possession,
Existencial starvation,
I only get Illusions...

I can't get no Satisfaction.

I need some drugs to dream my life,
I need some drugs to think I'm strong,
I need some drugs when things go wrong.

I need some drugs it's beautiful,
I need some drugs to make me cool,
I need some drugs to forget all.

I need some drugs to drives me mad,
I need some drugs when I feel sad,
I need some drugs the weather's bad.

I need some drugs to go ahead,
I need some drugs to lose my head,
I need some drugs within I'm dead.