Could any of you Swedes tell me if this makes sense?

[Mantraschism]

Alright, I wrote this the other day, just for fun. I am not a Swedish-speaker (you'll probably be able to tell instantly) but I adore the language and want to learn. So, if you will, could you read this and tell me if it makes sense to you?

I himlarna över den nordan skogarna
Nattfåglar flygar in i den vinter stjärnorna

 

[Frostheim]

"I himlarna ovanför de nordiska skogarna
Flyger nattfåglarna in i vinterstjärnorna"

Eller..?


np. Spanxti - Karingo Augo

 

[spaffe]

Alright, I wrote this the other day, just for fun. I am not a Swedish-speaker (you'll probably be able to tell instantly) but I adore the language and want to learn. So, if you will, could you read this and tell me if it makes sense to you?

I himlarna över den nordan skogarna
Nattfåglar flygar in i den vinter stjärnorna

the way Frostheim wrote it is one way, but there are a lot more, i will try to clearify things a bit:

"I himlarna över den nordan skogarna" - "den" indicates singular (and most of the time definite as well) form thus cannot be used with "skogarna" which is plural (definite). would like to use the word "skogarna" you'd have to change "den" to "de", and if you want to use "den" you will have to change "skogarna" to "skogen" (singular definte) or possibly "skog" (singular). "nordan" is an old form of the word "nord" and fits well in a poem such as this but i don't think it can be used the way you have (possibly "nordanskogarna" but then you'd have to remove the "den" -- i himlarna över nordanskogarna). there are so many ways of forming the sentence meaning what you're trying to convey, and equally numerous ways of getting it wrong i'm not very familiar with the rules govering the swedish language which makes it pretty hard to explain (as you can surely see by my above ramble hehe)
well hopefully that was somewhat helpful at least

 

[Mantraschism]

Thanks, this is very helpful!

I didn't know that 'den' was singular; I guess I should have, though. Here's what I had thought: I thought that when you had a definite adjective-noun construct, you had to put 'den' or 'det' or 'de' in front of the adjective, and then also make the noun definite (this is somewht like Arabic, which I'm learning at the moment). Is this correct?

Also, are there any rules for making these compound nouns, like 'nattfågel' and 'nordanstjärn'? I see them a lot in Vintersorg's lyrics, but I've never been able to tell whether this is just poetic device or standard Swedish grammar (I do realize that Vintersorg's first three albums are written in an older, dialectical form of Swedish).

And (sorry, I've got a lot of questions), when does the verb come before the noun in Swedish? I know that the verb precedes the noun in questions, but when does it precede in statements? This just occured to me because of the correction from 'nattfåglar flygar' to 'flyger nattfåglarna'. Another question raised by this correction: does 'nattfåglar' have to be definite? I was meaning to say simply, 'Nightbirds fly', not 'The nightbirds fly', but I know from Arabic that you often can't do this.

I'd be very, very grateful if anyone were to answer these questions.

Revised form of 'Nattfåglar':

I himlarna ovanför nordanskogarna,
Flyger nattfåglar(na?) in i vinterstjärnorna

Is that any better?

Thanks again for the help!!!


Grymskald (heh)

 

[Gaunerin]

I didn't know that 'den' was singular; I guess I should have, though. Here's what I had thought: I thought that when you had a definite adjective-noun construct, you had to put 'den' or 'det' or 'de' in front of the adjective, and then also make the noun definite (this is somewht like Arabic, which I'm learning at the moment). Is this correct?

Yep, you only get to use the definite articles when you have a noun in the definite form though. So you don't have to make the noun definite.
Although there seem to be exceptions (what a surprise! ) because spaffe said "most of the time"

And (sorry, I've got a lot of questions), when does the verb come before the noun in Swedish? I know that the verb precedes the noun in questions, but when does it precede in statements?

One rule I can think of in which the verb precedes the noun is when you have a date or given time in the beginning of a sentence. I guess it's the same with a location in the beginning of a sentence.

I'm obviously not good in Swedish

 

[Mantraschism]

Thanks! That's interesting about the verb-preceding-noun rule... I'll remember that.

I've added two more lines to my 'work in progress' here. They probably have just as many mistakes as the first two.

Polarvindarna viskar om barträdarna
Marken sovar nedanför den fallande snön

Again, any help would be greatly appreciated.


Grymskald

 

[amf]

Polarvindarna viskar om barträdarna
Marken sovar nedanför den fallande snön

Nice
Only misstakes are
barträdarna -> barrträden
sovar -> sover

Is it gonna be a song?

 

[Mantraschism]

Thank you very much. =] Yes, they're part of a song I'm working on. I think I'll leave it short, but it doesn't seem to want to quit... To give you an idea of its musical structure:

Classical guitar, kind of sad sounding (maybe like an acoustic part from Odemarkens Son), single picked notes (arpeggiated chords)
Clean singing on first two lines
Last two lines, heavy rhythmic strumming (maybe some electric guitar), grim harsh vocals

Total running time: :58 to 1:00
So, very short right now.

I appreciate the corrections! One question, though: is 'barrträden' definite plural as well as definite singular? I looked at this word in the back of a book, and it gave the word 'träd' and only one suffix to go with it: -en (this is a book that gives both the gender of the noun and the correct plural, btw). I just figured that they forgot to add the plural suffix with this particular word, but maybe I was wrong?

 

[Desciple of Decay]

I appreciate the corrections! One question, though: is 'barrträden' definite plural as well as definite singular? I looked at this word in the back of a book, and it gave the word 'träd' and only one suffix to go with it: -en (this is a book that gives both the gender of the noun and the correct plural, btw). I just figured that they forgot to add the plural suffix with this particular word, but maybe I was wrong?

barrträden is definate plural, barrträd is plural non-definate as such, but if you put 'ett' in front (making it ett barrträd) then it is singular non-definate, barrträdet on the other hand is definate singular. Hmm... hope that makes sense , good luck with your song!