HemiGTX said:
Dear Bill,
You're a poor substitute for my idea for a Dear Warrel Column....but you'll do.
I love Warrel. I really do. Not a day goes by where I don't say,
What would Warrel Do?
I can't tell you how much fun I've had drinkin Vodka and Red Bulls
with Warrel. Nevermore is so great, that's why I decided to start
hanging out here while Hillary is making money for our family.
I am a poor substitute for Warrel, hell, who else could be Warrel?
He does a fine fine job at being Warrel. God Bless Warrel.
I have a confession, and need serious advice.
Pyrus said to me...I can't speak the horror..."you're not my real mom". How do I ever tell him.......that..........he's my real child from a horny teenage love affair. Well, it wasn't really an affair. It was the next door neighbor kid, who had more pimples on his face than craters on the moon. He (Pyrus) would never accept me now. How do I tell JewFRO...that he's really GERMANFRO? How can I make him accept me as his real mom? And let me into his life, just a little bit. Even like a card on Mothers Day would be so touching. I'd melt. <sniffs>
Wipe your tears pretty mama.
I have spoken with Pyrus this evening Sugar. Pyrus is my young
metal thrashing mad bubba buddy. Truly a fine young American.
He's got some great ideas that jewfro buddy bubba. Thumbs Up!
What do I do Bill? Certainly you know all about illegitmate children, being a slut (Mine was tempory. Yours is permanent). You must have Bill babies everywhere.
I think you should talk to Pyrus. Be sensitive and compassionate
and talk openly from your heart. Look him in the eye and be honest
and be direct and tell him the truth. Admit where you made a mistake
but tell him you love him and you need that fine young metal thrashing
mad jewfro buddy bubba to be your boy in your life. Tell him that Time
is precious and that letting the confused feelings of past get in the way
of what the heart of the matter really is, would only cause more harm
than good. You're a fine woman and he's a great little bubba. I think
you worry much than your pretty little heart should.
Actually darlin I dont have any illegitimate Billys runnin around. I believe
in Protection. I am a Trojan man absolutely. You gotta wrap your willy.
Going raw is not safe in America and we have to put on a raincoat if
we're gonna go out in the rain if you hear me knockin sugar plum.
I find no disgrace in being a slut, there's no double standard. I love
Women and I like loving women a long time. I have no shame.
I hope I did.
Does this mean you dont want to interview for my speech writer
position? I know lots of good positions for such a smart woman such
as yourself
-Bill
