Football Team Metal Anthem Feedback

[Jevil]

Hiya, recently I have been working on a very special song. It is a 21st Century Techno Metal Anthem for my football-soccer- team, the mighty Athletic De Bilbao.
It started as a joke and just for fun with my friends but I think that I will try to play it in local radiostations and televisions.

Everybody-not experts- tell me that sounds great, but I would like your opinion, the all-hearing-ears of this forum.
It is recorded at home, with Pod XT, DI Bass, sampled drums, screams of the supporters in real football matches, and some samples of the tradicional anthem... and also a couple of 'hails' from Manowar.
The style is not what I usually do, it is more Rammstein-Pain-like.

Here is the link:
http://www.soulitude-web.com/personal/athletic_mix1.3.mp3




Athletic Of Bilbao was founded in 1898, second oldest team in Spain, and never played with Non-Basque players, nevertheless we won 9 leagues, 23 national cups and we were consider the third team of Spain 25 years ago. But nowadays in this prostituted football business it is very hard to compete against so many cracks and football stars from everywhere in the world only with players from a small region like Basque Country. Anyway, fuck Real Madrid, fuck Barcelona, aupa Athletic!

Sorry for this speech.

 

[smy1]

Some of it sounds good, but none of it sounds convincing. There is no clear structure and it's hard to make out a real climax/chorus.

Also, you are missing the one vital part that makes sports hymns what they are: a sing-along-melody.

Try building it more around a general theme than a bunch of riffs and shouts.

 

[Jevil]

Also, you are missing the one vital part that makes sports hymns what they are: a sing-along-melody.

Thank you Smy for your posting, I will take it into account.

Well, screams are the common screams from the supporters, not very melodic, my aim was not to create an official hymn with new melodies but use some old ones, and quality of the sample is shit, so there is little more I can do with a bunch of screams and established melodies.