After reading the Sad Story thread on here I struggled with the idea of telling mine when able. I didn't realize how personally sometimes(at least at this site) others here do "keep tabs". I've now been out of a nursing facility for one week. Have been in one or another since November 17, 2003. I'm supposed to be dead. Had the last rites read to me when I regained consciousness and funeral plots were discussed in front of me. It seems somewhat boastful while writing this down the first time, but believe me it's very fragile and only happy because of the current status of my situataion. I will try to keep it short but YOU (constant reader ha, ha)are an outreach in my life. I've been a huge drinker for 10-15 years. After losing my job in Dec. 2002, I continued drinking but became clinically(so diagnosed) depressed and literally starved because I didn't feel hungry and I needed my booze money. What happened next was a long time coming according to most coherent people but I always could give others advice just not heed my own. My liver and kidney said "Fuck it." Got jaundice and a Barium(?) count of 5.0 (should be btwn. .3 - !.3) Was told I probably wouldn't make through the night, to I will need a transplant, to permanent damge to the liver, to cirrhosis(Sp.) and finally and currently alcohol induced hepatitis of the liver. Kidney fine. Other things were found wrong with me but I'm trying to stay positve that this really matters to anyone when I'm still really alone and somewhat confused. However, I've been sober over eight 1/2 months (never had a habitual problem with any drugs but haven't done any of those in 2 yrs. 7.5 mos). I've lost 85 lbs. and actually have female problems again. Have a 650 sq. ft. studio apartment on the 13th floor overlooking the river and the home of the Toledo Mudhens (Jamie Farr's baseball hat worn occasionally on M*A*S*H*). I thank God everyday while this experience is testing my faith and has me rethiniking others. I know I'm stating this all "matter-of-factly" but I don't have my own pc and I promised myself I would at least try this. Even if ya give me smack I'm not ignored. I've been giving a huge oppurtunity and I'll try to make the best of it. I don't know where to end this and spin it into a comfortable image except to say THANKS. I keep hearing this song... " walk a mile in my shoes....something...don't assume and dammit don't praise me. My thoughts will..." Who sings that, man?
