Ha ha ha it has nothing to do with music theory or being a musician. My ear is what made me a musician, not vice-versa. I never listen to a chord and think a "d" or imagine such player is playing in a certain scale. In fact, my listening is almost spiritual. I couldn't sing the lyrics to more than 50 songs (seriously and a good bit of them are Metal Church) though I know how to pronounce every word of hundreds but I can't string them together.
I'm a fairly normal guy in the fact that I get up everyday and go to work, kiss the wife when I get home, pet the dogs and cats etc. but I have to have polyphonic listening skills and it takes practice on every song. What I mean is that I not only hear the blend of every instrument (to include vocals) but all of them individualy as well as at the same time and the way they work together to form a song.
That is why I say I have a "producer's ear." I am not saying I am talented. Shit.... I listen to the same song thirty times in a row sometimes, but I have to know how each instrument works with the others in songs I like. It's both a burden and a blessing, but it is honestly how I listen to a lot of music.
I have through sheer determination forced myself to listen to and enjoy stuff without doing what comes natural and it works, but that is 25% of my listening habits. The rest is me studying every part of the song until I can not only "sing" it in my head, but play every instrument in my mind at the same time.
This is the first time I have ever told anyone this in such depth so I feel a bit awkward.
Bryant