This is something a friend of mine wrote based loosely on the '101 Rules of Black Metal'; it's still a work in progress at the moment:
The Rules of Alexi Laiho Fanboy-/Fangirlism
1. Anything Alexi says is gospel, period.
2. You must believe he is the most perfect male specimen to ever walk this Earth, no matter whether you are male or female.
3. You must construct a shrine to him.
4. Said shrine must include a blown up photo of Alexi surrounded by enough candles to set off every smoke detector in the building. All the better if you are also in the picture.
5. This shrine should also include a cup he drank from.
6. And one of his guitar picks.
7. And a towel he used backstage.
8. And a lock of his hair.
9. And some of his toenail clippings.
10. You must worship at your Alexi shrine at least 500 times a day, although 800 to 1,000 would be more appropriate considering who is being worshipped you know . . .
11. You must own a copy of every record he has appeared on.
12. You must own a foreign copy of every record he has appeared on.
13. You must include extra copies of each of those records in your shrine.
14. You must throw hysterical fits every time someone insults him.
15. You must hate Janne Warman with a vengeance because he kissed Alexi onstage that one time.
16. You must have a raging passion for Janne Warman because he kissed Alexi that one time. This also applies if you are male.
17. You must own one each of Alexis signature ESPs.
18. You absolutely must find Alexis Jackson and either hide it away and have the sweet satisfaction of knowing you have his guitar or wait until the next CoB concert and give it back to him under the delusion that he will be so grateful that he will ask you to join the band.
19. You must refrain from drinking any alcoholic beverage other than Finlandia Vodka and White Russians.
20. Having COBHC tattooed across the fingers of your left hand is essential.
21. Having HATE tattooed on the fingers of your right hand couldnt hurt . . .
22. You have to bleach your hair, even if youre a natural blonde, just because he bleaches his.
23. You should wear loads of eyeliner.
24. And silver bracelets.
25. Your response to seeing anyone who looks remotely like Alexi should be: OMFG!!!!!! IS THAT ALEXI!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!"
26. If you do happen to spot Alexi, you are required to refuse to acknowledge that it is really him; then when you relent and you realize it is him the appropriate response should be for you to cry hysterically and uncontrollably for a bare minimum of 15 minutes.
The Rules of Alexi Laiho Fanboy-/Fangirlism
1. Anything Alexi says is gospel, period.
2. You must believe he is the most perfect male specimen to ever walk this Earth, no matter whether you are male or female.
3. You must construct a shrine to him.
4. Said shrine must include a blown up photo of Alexi surrounded by enough candles to set off every smoke detector in the building. All the better if you are also in the picture.
5. This shrine should also include a cup he drank from.
6. And one of his guitar picks.
7. And a towel he used backstage.
8. And a lock of his hair.
9. And some of his toenail clippings.
10. You must worship at your Alexi shrine at least 500 times a day, although 800 to 1,000 would be more appropriate considering who is being worshipped you know . . .
11. You must own a copy of every record he has appeared on.
12. You must own a foreign copy of every record he has appeared on.
13. You must include extra copies of each of those records in your shrine.
14. You must throw hysterical fits every time someone insults him.
15. You must hate Janne Warman with a vengeance because he kissed Alexi onstage that one time.
16. You must have a raging passion for Janne Warman because he kissed Alexi that one time. This also applies if you are male.
17. You must own one each of Alexis signature ESPs.
18. You absolutely must find Alexis Jackson and either hide it away and have the sweet satisfaction of knowing you have his guitar or wait until the next CoB concert and give it back to him under the delusion that he will be so grateful that he will ask you to join the band.
19. You must refrain from drinking any alcoholic beverage other than Finlandia Vodka and White Russians.
20. Having COBHC tattooed across the fingers of your left hand is essential.
21. Having HATE tattooed on the fingers of your right hand couldnt hurt . . .
22. You have to bleach your hair, even if youre a natural blonde, just because he bleaches his.
23. You should wear loads of eyeliner.
24. And silver bracelets.
25. Your response to seeing anyone who looks remotely like Alexi should be: OMFG!!!!!! IS THAT ALEXI!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!"
26. If you do happen to spot Alexi, you are required to refuse to acknowledge that it is really him; then when you relent and you realize it is him the appropriate response should be for you to cry hysterically and uncontrollably for a bare minimum of 15 minutes.
