InfoMercials!(tm) You Know You Love their Patented Viewing Action

Malergion

Malergion

Complex pain
Jul 13, 2004
3,052
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Sacramento, CA
It seems like they sell everything these days...

If you were trasported into the Twighlight Zone (or maybe American McGee Blvd.) and you saw one messed up infomercial before you offed yourself from the insanity, what would it be?

My pick is...
Ron Popeil selling memberships in the Ronco Shoddy Parts Manufacturers Guild.
 
As discussed with Sam... Dead babies.

"For those of us who have had miscarriages, and want a baby to hold and love, even if it smells like a carcass."

Or maybe one where that obnoxious fucking Oxiclean guy sells us Ameteur porn.

WATCH THOSE FLOPPING COCKS SMEAR HER FACE WITH THE POWER OF SEMEN ON QUALITY DIGITAL 8 TAPE! ORDER NOW AND WE'LL SEND YOU "RON JEREMY SUCKS HIS OWN DICK" ABSOLUTELY FREE!
 
Chef Tony selling Tubgirl the Animated adventure.

Or maybe the Gazelle guy selling Goatse the Musical.
 
I want those people always hawking crappy compilation CDs to try to sell a jar of semen with a mummified squirrel in it.
 
So, we'd be back down to three channels of static because everyone would end up zapping every show that exists?
 
I want to see an updated version of the Magic Bullet. You know that awesome little blender thingie ...only this would be hosted by Magic Johnson. What's magic about this bullet is, when loaded into the Magic Gun (sold seperately) it only shoots black people with AIDS.
 
Indeed.
Suppose Tilton got the rights to sell the Farting Preacher video because he sued whoever made it. That would be surreal.
MOCKERY IS THE WEAPON OF THE LORD! *pfft*
 
Malergion said:
Indeed.
Suppose Tilton got the rights to sell the Farting Preacher video because he sued whoever made it. That would be surreal.
MOCKERY IS THE WEAPON OF THE LORD! *pfft*
Click to expand...

He used to preach at this scary place about 5 minutes from my house. World of Faith or Faith World or something. Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Flanders makes the Christian theme park.
 
BlackwaterNymph said:
He used to preach at this scary place about 5 minutes from my house. World of Faith or Faith World or something. Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Flanders makes the Christian theme park.
Click to expand...
Ahh yes, Maude-Land or something, and everybody's suffering from "holy visions" caused by a gas leak :)
 
There should be infomercials for the necessary items one needs to be a proper necrophiliac. Hosted by Jack LaLanne "cos I might be a corpse soon enough!" of TV's Power Juicer infomercials.

"Just hang the sticky fly paper within 5 feet of your new lover to catch those pesky blowflies!"

"Autopsy sutures rip open? Not a problem with our handy dandy corpse glue!"

"Who needs a Power Juicer? The older, more gooey bodies leave a wet spot so large you'll never be thirsty again!"



NECROTOOLS! Cos the dead can't say NO.
 
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