Joke Of The Day......

nik

nik

Dictator of Laughter
Mar 28, 2004
361
1
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Bold Savage Land ENGLAND
A bloke has been arrested for throwing petrol over a bunch of iraqi's, when questioned by the police as to what he was doing he replied "about 15 to the gallon".

Give me your best sickest funniest jokes you got to upset any religion, country (coverme u must av plenty of english), race, sex, FUCK be as nasty but FUNNY as you can....

1st prize for the best, Two weeks in the Caymen islands starting monday...
2nd prize , bear bating in Pakistan
3rd prize , a month in GAY Pari' eating snails,frogs legs, slugs & yellow backed grass hopper.

yeah sorry I made the last one up!!!!!! :loco: :loco: o_O :D
 
Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?
You only have to teach them how to take off!

Why aren't there any Wal*Marts in Afghanistan?
Because there's a Target on every corner

What do you call a peice of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A map

Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:

Be Allah you can be!
Martyrs have more fun!
Free camoflage turbans! Sign up today!
Uncle oSAMa wants you!
 
Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside the movie theater? They were waiting for the movie "Closed for the Winter"

How do you know if a Polak was using the computer?
There is white out on the screen

How do you stop a polish army on horseback?
Turn off the carousel

How did the German's conquer Poland so quick?
They marched backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving
 
o.k. que the chessy drum rolls

why does the new british navy have glass bottom ships?
so they can see the old british navy.

how do you fit 4 fags on one stool?
turn it over

why is the grass so tall in mexico?
cause all the mexician than cut grass are over here.

o.k. last one
a fat lady walks into a bar sits down and says "barfender gimme a martooni."
so the bartender gives her a martinni she drinks it and says "I got heart burn barfender gimme another martooni" so he gives another martinni then she says "barfender the heart burn aint left yet I need another martooni" so the bartender finaly says "look lady I'm a bartender not a barfender, they're called martinnis not martoonis. and you aint got heart burn your left boob is in the ash tray"
 
have ya`ll heard about the bass player who locked his keys in his car? it took him 40 minutes to get his drummer out.




A guitar player dies and goes to heaven, hes greeted at the pearly gates by St.Peter who says, " welcome to heaven, your going to love it here, everyone gets the own practice room , hundreds of amps and guitars to choose from and all night jam sessions with all the greats,Jimis here, stevie ray is here , but you must be tired after your long journeyCome with me"
St Peter takes the guitarist to his practice room and leaves him to settle in. As the guitarist checks out his new surroundings, he hears someone shreding up the fretboard, 32nd notes, arpeggios,string skipping......... He thinks "that must be Yngwie"
He runs back down to the pearly Gates and asks St Peter If who he heard was Yngwie."No " replied St Peter" Yngwie isnt here yet"
The guitarist head back to his practic room, when he gets there again he hears the familiar classical sounds of Yngwie.
this time he marches down to the pearly gate and demands to know If yngwie is the one he hears playing.
St Peter takes him to the side and whispers"Its God........He thinks hes Yngwie Malmsteen..................."
 
The13thCandle said:
did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper????

he sold his soul to santa.
Click to expand...

Holy shit dude....................I literaly fell out of my chair with that one...................
 
old school headbanger said:
A guitar player dies and goes to heaven, hes greeted at the pearly gates by St.Peter who says, " welcome to heaven, your going to love it here, everyone gets the own practice room , hundreds of amps and guitars to choose from and all night jam sessions with all the greats,Jimis here, stevie ray is here , but you must be tired after your long journeyCome with me"
St Peter takes the guitarist to his practice room and leaves him to settle in. As the guitarist checks out his new surroundings, he hears someone shreding up the fretboard, 32nd notes, arpeggios,string skipping......... He thinks "that must be Yngwie"
He runs back down to the pearly Gates and asks St Peter If who he heard was Yngwie."No " replied St Peter" Yngwie isnt here yet"
The guitarist head back to his practic room, when he gets there again he hears the familiar classical sounds of Yngwie.
this time he marches down to the pearly gate and demands to know If yngwie is the one he hears playing.
St Peter takes him to the side and whispers"Its God........He thinks hes Yngwie Malmsteen..................."
Click to expand...

:worship: :tickled: :headbang:
 
The gay couple is parting their ways and arguing about their things.
1st gay: "This pink soap is mine."
2nd gay: "No, it´s mine!"
1st gay: "This pink towel belongs to me."
2nd gay: "No it doesn´t!"
1st gay (angrily): "Well suck my cock then!"
2nd gay: "No, no reconciling!"

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful lady and pulls a FROG out of his pocket. He puts the frog on the table and orders drinks for himself and for the lady.
"What´s that frog for," asks the lady. "Well," the guy replies, "it´s a special frog. He´s trained to lick pussy. In fact, he even likes it."
The lady doesn´t believe and calls the man a liar. When he persists, she´s so curious that she wants to see it for real. So they go to her place and the lady lays on her bed, gets undressed, legs spread wide. The man puts frog right onto the place.
"Come on," he says.
The frog does nothing.
"Come on, you know how to do it," the guy says, losing the patience.
The frog does nothing.
"Dammit," the guy says in the end, "guess I´ll have to show him first."
 
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