Jokes

[Nadia]

If you know any good or bad ones post them

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.
He had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange,
blue, yellow. The old man just stared.
The young man said sarcastically, What's the matter old timer,
never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and
had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."



Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden. . . POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" THEN POOF!....she was gone. After Dave got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussywillows." Dave yells back...... "DON'T SWING FRED!!!" "For God sake, DON'T SWING!!"

 

[Ayeka]

^_^

I'm not sure what the boundaries of good taste are here, so I'll leave you with a single gem:

Why don't you get Jewish policemen?
Pigs ain't kosher

 

[Eagle]

Did you hear about the guy with no legs that got thrown out of the pub?

Apparently he was Arsing about!

 

[Nadia]

Living in 2003

You know you are living in 2003 when....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do
not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the
phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally do 9" to get
an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
13. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or
experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
14. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
15. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
16. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your
department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time
management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
17. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with
computers".
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...
18. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no no. 9.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9