Back when I was growing up on the farm, we had a farm hand...now oddly enough...his nickname was "Handy" (I have no idea how farm hands determine nicknames, suffice to say)...
"Handy" had only one job during the planting season, well, because "Handy" was a double amputee (fell into a thresher some 20 years earlier) it always amazed me that they would keep somebody on the farm who, by all rights, was incapable of performing farm work.
Now, come planting season, it's obvious that seeds needed to be placed in the freshly tilled soil for their to actually be any growth of a plant. So, every year the workers would go out and poke holes in the soil and place their seeds. You can see where this is going..
Well, it was discovered that although "Handy" was a double amputee, he still had the functioning sex drive of a regular male.....so the boys concocted a plan to save a day of planting time by using "Handy" as a tool...
The morning of the planting came and "handy" awoke to find himself on a tractor...one of those big hay stackin' jobs, the kind you don't want to get caught under..."Lucky" our biggest farm hand grabs "Handy" from his seat and hangs him out over the edge in the front of the tractor, and tells him "You better grab the bar, or I'm gonna drop your worthless ass", so, knowing that "Lucky" has his number...he obliges...
It should be said that a man with no legs can hang for a long time, longer than most, because of the reduced body weight....and this is exactly what "Lucky" and his boys were counting on...and if their calculations were wrong...well, then they just lost a measely cripple and they'd have to plant the seeds by hand.
So, "Lucky" leans over the rusty handrail supporting his weight from certain death of falling into the tractors blades and says to "Handy"..."Handy, ol boy...it's time to earn your keep, you're going to poke holes in the soil while we hang off this tractor and drop the seeds in. If you let go and fall, you're going to get run over...if you last the day...well, we're going to buy you and drink after work and set you up with "Sherle" at the bar...she'll take real good care of you"....well, now "Handy" is perplexed...."How do you expect me to poke holes in this soil with my hands holding me from certain death?" he says shakily. "You're going to do it with your dick, Handy"....This was about the time that Handy started to cry and pray to the lord....
8 hours later, the foreman arrives to see a fully planted field and the farm hands beaming with pride. "Way to go, men, you guys go and have yourselves a great time tonight" and proceeds to hand out paychecks. Then "Lucky" (being the honorable man that he is) steps forward and says "We couldn't have done it without Handy". The foreman looks surprisingly over at Handy, who's beaming with pride. The foreman then reaches into his pocket, and pulls out an envelope and hands it to Handy...."Well, sir, then I reckon you deserve this"....when Handy opens up the envelope, inside, he finds a check for $35 dollars....which isn't a lot today....and to be honest it wasn't a lot then....
I remember ol' Handy...always had a sore dick..
You're probably wondering what the moral of this story is, huh?
Well, this one has 2....
The first one, "It doesn't pay very well trying to make money by using your dick...unless you have no legs....then it still doesn't pay well"
The second one, "Sometimes, just because a person writes a long assed story, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be a good one"
"Handy" had only one job during the planting season, well, because "Handy" was a double amputee (fell into a thresher some 20 years earlier) it always amazed me that they would keep somebody on the farm who, by all rights, was incapable of performing farm work.
Now, come planting season, it's obvious that seeds needed to be placed in the freshly tilled soil for their to actually be any growth of a plant. So, every year the workers would go out and poke holes in the soil and place their seeds. You can see where this is going..
Well, it was discovered that although "Handy" was a double amputee, he still had the functioning sex drive of a regular male.....so the boys concocted a plan to save a day of planting time by using "Handy" as a tool...
The morning of the planting came and "handy" awoke to find himself on a tractor...one of those big hay stackin' jobs, the kind you don't want to get caught under..."Lucky" our biggest farm hand grabs "Handy" from his seat and hangs him out over the edge in the front of the tractor, and tells him "You better grab the bar, or I'm gonna drop your worthless ass", so, knowing that "Lucky" has his number...he obliges...
It should be said that a man with no legs can hang for a long time, longer than most, because of the reduced body weight....and this is exactly what "Lucky" and his boys were counting on...and if their calculations were wrong...well, then they just lost a measely cripple and they'd have to plant the seeds by hand.
So, "Lucky" leans over the rusty handrail supporting his weight from certain death of falling into the tractors blades and says to "Handy"..."Handy, ol boy...it's time to earn your keep, you're going to poke holes in the soil while we hang off this tractor and drop the seeds in. If you let go and fall, you're going to get run over...if you last the day...well, we're going to buy you and drink after work and set you up with "Sherle" at the bar...she'll take real good care of you"....well, now "Handy" is perplexed...."How do you expect me to poke holes in this soil with my hands holding me from certain death?" he says shakily. "You're going to do it with your dick, Handy"....This was about the time that Handy started to cry and pray to the lord....
8 hours later, the foreman arrives to see a fully planted field and the farm hands beaming with pride. "Way to go, men, you guys go and have yourselves a great time tonight" and proceeds to hand out paychecks. Then "Lucky" (being the honorable man that he is) steps forward and says "We couldn't have done it without Handy". The foreman looks surprisingly over at Handy, who's beaming with pride. The foreman then reaches into his pocket, and pulls out an envelope and hands it to Handy...."Well, sir, then I reckon you deserve this"....when Handy opens up the envelope, inside, he finds a check for $35 dollars....which isn't a lot today....and to be honest it wasn't a lot then....
I remember ol' Handy...always had a sore dick..
You're probably wondering what the moral of this story is, huh?
Well, this one has 2....
The first one, "It doesn't pay very well trying to make money by using your dick...unless you have no legs....then it still doesn't pay well"
The second one, "Sometimes, just because a person writes a long assed story, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be a good one"
