me writing lyrics > FAIL!

Read some fuckin Shakespeare and experience some kind of life-changing event. Then you're good to go. You cant just force this shit because you need lyrics. You have to be a poet to write poetry. My dad died in a tragic car accident some years back. That's when the proverbial muse said "ok Mike, go!" If you dont have a reason to write a song/poem/story, what are you doing it for? You're just saturating the world with uninspired shit.
 
I don't see any mistakes really, I think it's fine (I'm a native speaker, lived as a youngster in USA)

You should check the lyrics thread, some of us have posted some pretty cool lyrics there http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/off-topic-tavern/583658-lyrics-thread.html

thanks a lot man!:kickass:
just overflew it, pretty good stuff in the lyrics thread, i have to read it
completely when i find the time.

not bad for a beginner or someone who hasn't grasped the concept of writing, including literature. There was some great advice that I received from one of my grammar school teachers that was simply "show not tell". Don't tell the audience what is going on, show them, or metaphorically draw it out so that they can visualize what is going on. In music particularly metal you don;t want to go out and simply tell the audience what is going on, you want the narration to stay mysterious and make them draw and visualize what is going on in their head.

Other than that, if you feel like you are repeating words too much, stop and think of another way to say that line, and once you do, look to a thesaurus and find other similar words that will work, they don;t have to be huge intellectual words, you are just looking for other common words that might have slipped your mind when you were thinking about what other words you could use.

very good post, thanks a lot!:kickass:
"show not tell" is exactly what i am trying but at
the end my lyrics always turn out as a collection of things that
i or somebody else says/does/thinks :(

i'll try to write complete new lines, so far i just tried to change
a few words of the existing ones.

IMO this pretty much sums it up. There are some great tips here but I'm pretty sure if you picked a song that had lyrics that you really liked then asked the author they would more likely say "they don't mean anything, they just sounded good".

so basically i am just too self critical, right!? :D

You mean like Mike Patton?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Patton

When interviewed about his lyrical content with Faith No More, Patton responded, "I think that too many people think too much about my lyrics. I am more a person who works more with the sound of a word than with its meaning. Often I just choose the words because of the rhythm not because of the meaning".

:lol:

Öwen;9170251 said:
If you've got a singing part don't be afraid to rhyme, try not to do it clumsily, but a good rhyme can add a lot to the memorability of your lyrics and provide a solid few lines for your hook.

If you're just screaming go wild and don't be afraid to be unorthodox, part of the reason screaming can be interesting is the fact that it allows for more a obtrusive lyrical structure or word usage because as a vocalisation its more rhythmic.

Along with this read every line in your head, constantly ask yourself, does this flow? Does this word fit here? If it doesn't replace it, if you can think of a word to place but know the sort of meaning you want to instill - hit the thesaurus. You might have to revise when you get down to planning the actual vocal but its best to cut a lot of the junk out of this stage to get a better feel for where you want to go with things.

the lyrics are very easy to scream they flow, also the chorus part (singing) fits perfectly but it sounds cheap. as soon as i try to change a few things the complete flow is messed up.:bah:

Find a metaphor for your emotions and sing about that. Let the listener figure it out and interpret on his/her own. Never fails. I've sold 0 records doing this so it's guaranteed to work.

haha, very good one. i think it depends on the music. when i am recording some softer stuff, i have no problems writing lyrics that fit the song, sound goo dand that have a meaning. i think it's just my lack of experience when it comes to writing "metal lyrics":dopey:

I find lyrics cringey to read unless I can hear the voice/melody behind them. My favourite way to write lyrics is by inspecting my spambox/junk mail and pasting together bits that I like, until it sounds so incoherent that it begins to sound meaningful ha.

haha, using this method my lyrics would be something like this:

"congratulations you won
viagra for the impotence no more,
do you want to meet me?
NOW, download legal software for 50% off etc."

:lol:

Read some fuckin Shakespeare and experience some kind of life-changing event. Then you're good to go. You cant just force this shit because you need lyrics. You have to be a poet to write poetry. My dad died in a tragic car accident some years back. That's when the proverbial muse said "ok Mike, go!" If you dont have a reason to write a song/poem/story, what are you doing it for? You're just saturating the world with uninspired shit.

sorry about your dad man! :(

bad things can often be a very good inspiration,
you're absolutely right about that!
at the moment my life is stuck, nothing happens.
sometimes i think it's good that way, because it's
better if nothing happens than a bad thing.

cheers
S.