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Dear Dr. Rex: I am and convinced that my farts smell like roses. Every one else disagrees with me. Can you please tell me that my gas does smell like roses and everyone else is just inexperienced
-Steve.
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Dear Steve: OK, here goes....Steve, your farts do smell like roses and everybody else is just inexperienced. Are you happy now, Steve??? Good. Now sit down.
Steve, I don't know you, but I'll bet that when you look in the mirror you fix your hair, wink at yourself, and think you are the best looking guy in the world. I would also bet that you are one ugly son of a bitch...My point is that you are warped. Sure your farts smell great to you as mine do to me. It happens to everybody. Only somebody with a huge ego would expect them to smell great to others.
Back in 1971, during my college days at Brown, I devised a simple study to exploit this phenomenon. It was my theory that you only think your farts smell great because they are yours, not because they do. We sampled the farts of 149 subjects, mostly males and females. We then chemically engineered "clone farts" (which were synthetic replicas of the original). These clones had identical chemical composition to the original. This translates into identical molecular structure, identical viscosity, identical specific weight, identical flammability, identical "top speed" and identical smell.
We then exposed these 149 different "fart-oids" to our 149 subjects. Our valiant subjects, in exchange for just one totally groovy hit of acid, then ranked each fart on a scale of 1 to 10. They were also asked if they could identify their fart. Steve, not a single person was successful. Of course, maybe we should have given them the acid after they took the test. One girl (or maybe it was just a real feminine hippie dude) smelled their own fart and started running around my VW Beetle screaming "I can fly, I'm free, I'm free". Then she got hit by a bus. We gave that fart an eight, Steve.
So you see Steve, you only think your farts smell good because you created them. Your parents probably clapped too loud and long when they were potty training you and now you think that you are hot stuff. Get a grip-you are just an ordinary guy with ordinary farts.
Until next week.....
Dr Rex.
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Dear Dr. Rex: I am and convinced that my farts smell like roses. Every one else disagrees with me. Can you please tell me that my gas does smell like roses and everyone else is just inexperienced
-Steve.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Steve: OK, here goes....Steve, your farts do smell like roses and everybody else is just inexperienced. Are you happy now, Steve??? Good. Now sit down.
Steve, I don't know you, but I'll bet that when you look in the mirror you fix your hair, wink at yourself, and think you are the best looking guy in the world. I would also bet that you are one ugly son of a bitch...My point is that you are warped. Sure your farts smell great to you as mine do to me. It happens to everybody. Only somebody with a huge ego would expect them to smell great to others.
Back in 1971, during my college days at Brown, I devised a simple study to exploit this phenomenon. It was my theory that you only think your farts smell great because they are yours, not because they do. We sampled the farts of 149 subjects, mostly males and females. We then chemically engineered "clone farts" (which were synthetic replicas of the original). These clones had identical chemical composition to the original. This translates into identical molecular structure, identical viscosity, identical specific weight, identical flammability, identical "top speed" and identical smell.
We then exposed these 149 different "fart-oids" to our 149 subjects. Our valiant subjects, in exchange for just one totally groovy hit of acid, then ranked each fart on a scale of 1 to 10. They were also asked if they could identify their fart. Steve, not a single person was successful. Of course, maybe we should have given them the acid after they took the test. One girl (or maybe it was just a real feminine hippie dude) smelled their own fart and started running around my VW Beetle screaming "I can fly, I'm free, I'm free". Then she got hit by a bus. We gave that fart an eight, Steve.
So you see Steve, you only think your farts smell good because you created them. Your parents probably clapped too loud and long when they were potty training you and now you think that you are hot stuff. Get a grip-you are just an ordinary guy with ordinary farts.
Until next week.....
Dr Rex.
