My Turd Polishing Technique (AKA how to get shitty musicians to play with a click)

beyond dead

heavy metal dad \m/
Sep 26, 2007
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peterborough, ontario, canada
Hey guys! It's been awhile since I've contributed here, so i thought I would share a little trick I figured out for getting shitty bands to sound good.

I have only ever had one drummer come into the studio who could track his parts with JUST a click track. I was pumped at the time, but we ran into another common problem: Realizing after all of the instruments are tracked that a verse or chorus is too short for the lyrics to fit.

I've come up with a workflow that allows me to prevent these problems, and expedite the tracking process. Using this method I am able to track a song in an 8 hour session.

What I do first is get the drums set up, and I get the drummer and guitarist to go through the whole song part by part and I figure out the tempo and time signature, program midi drums for the track and get the guitarist to record a scratch guitar track. Then I get the singer to make sure that he can fit all of his vocal lines over the guide track. This process takes about an hour.

Once this is finished I track guitars and bass to the programmed drums. Tracking to the programmed drums gives the guitarist a good time guide which helps them play on time. If you track guitars to sloppy, unedited drums it won't sound as tight. You have to track guitars to the programmed drums for this to work with shitty bands.

I usually track the guitars direct and reamp later. This is much easier on the ears and neighbours than tracking through loud amps, especially if the musicians are sub par. This makes it easier to focus on performance.

If the bass player is like most bass players in underground bands I have the best guitarist play bass.

Next I mute the programmed drums and record real drums to the guitars. If you've ever tried to get a sub par drummer who has never played to a click to record with a click you will understand how important this is lol.

Once you have the song recorded to a tempo track you can slip edit the fuck out of it so that it sounds perfectly in time, and BOOM you have polished a turd. Make sure the band pays you at least $300 per song for doing that shit.

I hope some of you will find this useful :)

Peace
Liam
 
Nice! I like having the best guitarist play bass instead of the bass guitarist lol I know exactly how bad things can get just showing up to record. Every take is different and everyone forgets what the hell they are doing and nobody notices it until it's way too late. Usually some illegal substance is to blame.
 
Great recommendations! That's pretty much what I do, too
It's also great to have a nice e-drum kick pad to use it instead of live kick drum. Makes editing drums several times easier and faster.
 
I've done it similarly recently. I have band members in one of my groups who don't like recording to clicks, so I came up with a kind of silly way to go about it. I took a GuitarPro file of the song, and put it into REAPER and had a synth play the riffs, and the drummer recorded to that. It worked pretty decently. Of course, the guy who doesn't like clicks didn't even end up recording, I had to do it for him.
 
I dont get why people expect a drummer to play to only a click? Way to make the musician feel totally uncomfortable.

When he plays along to his favourite cd's he hears guitars
At rehearsal he hears guitars
At gigs he hears guitars

So give him click and a guide guitar track!

I do agree that recording guitars to programmed drums is definitely an awesome way to go! When bands have guitar pro files for their songs it makes things super easy.
 
I hope you guys find this method works for you.

Sloan: it's really not that hard. I don't program the fills. I'm working with either hardcore, death/thrash metal, which is just double bass, blast beats, or breakdowns, all of which are very easy to program, or simple 4/4 rock stuff, which is also very easy to program. I get the occasional djent band, but they are usually pretty well prepared and often have guitar pro files with drums.
 
Instead of spending all of that time mapping out drums, just record a scratch guitar track to the click and have the whole band sit in to figure out the tempos for each section before tracking it. I say whole band here because you may get the "this part feels too fast" comments from some members after all of the drums are tracked. Making sure the band comes in prepared too is important :)
 
For quick drum programming nothing is better/faster than toontrack´s ezplayer and midi packs...
 
I just program the bare minimum of cymbals.

I've found programming the drums first works best if you are on a tight schedule, because they are 100% in time, so they are a better guide for the guitars. Guitarists will usually play sloppy unless they have drums as a guide. If I were to record drums to an out of time guitar scratch track, than the drums will be even more out of time than they otherwise would be, and I would have to take a break from tracking to do drum editing before tracking the guitars/bass, or else I'd be tracking guitars to out of time drums that were recorded to an out of time guitar scratch track. It's just easier to program the drums, which takes next to no time once you've done it for a bit.

I charge a per song rate, as per customer demand, so there is pressure for me to make the price as affordable as possible whilst making sure I get paid for my time. Streamlining the process this way allows me to offer a more competitive per song rate, and get more work done, which anyone who has juggled multiple projects at once will tell you is definitely a good thing.
 
Guitarists will usually play sloppy unless they have drums as a guide.

This is what happened to me last project. Spent two days setting up clicks with drummer and guitar player. Had guitarist do scratch guitar tracks to the click for every song, then tracked drums. Ended up having to chop up everything anyway. Project didn't turn out as tight as I wanted it, but they seem very pleased.
 
I cant program drums fast either. Yo ushould do a video tutorial showign these great skills:)