It sounds to me like there's too much gain on the guitar tracks. The have no separation or definition. The kick drum has a terrible "Click" to it, almost sounds like clipping in certain parts. It also seems to have almost no bottom end as a whole. The high end has no sizzle either. What are you monitoring through? I bet they flattered it.
The song is great, very entertaining. It just needs some work. You mentioned the ill timing on the guitar tracks, but they are so muddy that you can barely tell. I would tweak the guitars a little more, try to find a really good tone.
What did you use to do this? Are the guitars DI? What did you program the drums on?