New Warning labels on alchohol

[Lord of Delusions]

Due to increasing product liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers/bottles:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thayshings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with the other sex without spitting.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morningand see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember)

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

[Bush Whacker]

Fair enough, but the one warning that they don't include is this:

Warning: Consumption of too much alcohol will cause death.

DRINK UP, ya fuckin' lush!

 

[Lord of Delusions]

Warning: Consumption of too much alcohol will cause death.

DRINK UP, ya fuckin' lush!

Yeah, but you could die from a marshmallow overdose as well. I don't know of any actual cases of that circumstance, but it could happen!

 

[Bush Whacker]

Well, if you're diabetic and you've gone without your insulin, it could happen.

You could also choke on a marshmallow, too, but I think that would qualify you for the Darwin Award.

 

[Lord of Delusions]

Well, if you're diabetic and you've gone without your insulin, it could happen.

You could also choke on a marshmallow, too, but I think that would qualify you for the Darwin Award.

No, choking to death on cotton candy would get you that Darwin Award....

 

[MiniMurray]

those warnings would make for some funny homer antics on the simpsons - if they aren't already.