Off the wall thread.

Dear Mr. K Rudd or Mr Turnbull,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Australias economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:


There are about 20 million people over 55 in the work force. - Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed .

2) They MUST buy a new Australian CAR. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed ...

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed .

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed

5) Buy $50 of alcohol / tobacco / fuel a week there's your money back in duty / tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed , have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.
 
Did you get this from some other site...? there are several problems with the plan.
1) Australia's total population is 22 million. A large percentage are over 55, but that's not 20 million. Just because there are jobs doesn't mean there are people capable of working them.
2) What do you consider an Australian car? Most cars manufactured here are owned overseas. The auto industry is a worldwide problem, apparently Australia has it better here than most other developed countries, hence why GM isn't getting rid of the factory here.
3) Housing crisis is for homeless - generally. Those who have fucked up their payments and have had to default their house back to the banks. It happens all the time.
4) People are scum and educated people just perform more white collar crimes - like email scams, fraud and insider trading...
5) I imagine most Australians already spend at least $50 a week on those things. A tank of fuel alone would be hard to get by without going over a $50 a week.

This is totally sounding like an American thing, like the "Fix petrol by boycotting petrol stations" thing. That's also a really pub-like logic, sounds good when you're drunk but really won't come close to working in the real world.
My solutions are far easier... Kill, stop breeding and die. There'll be no economy to worry about.
 
The Apparition said:
I thought this thread was in appreciation of the amazing Michael Jackson album!

MichaelJackson-OffTheWall.jpg
Click to expand...


Perhaps for just a while now it should be?
 
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked OK for a sizzler - one beyond a boiler at 61 years of age. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all and I found myself
thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit and had a bit of a snuggle, then she asked if I'd ever had a
Sportsman's Double.

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?'
 
OK then...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31800290/ns/world_news-weird_news/ said:
BERLIN - A badger in Germany got so drunk on over-ripe cherries it staggered into the middle of a road and refused to budge, police said Wednesday.
A motorist called police near the central town of Goslar to report a dead badger on a road — only for officers to turn up and discover the animal alive and well, but drunk.
Police discovered the nocturnal beast had eaten cherries from a nearby tree which had turned to alcohol and given the badger diarrhea.
Click to expand...
 
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny,
flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop w-anking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies out and
thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young
son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that
was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground
with a c0ck like that."

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed
him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

A woman brings little Kevin home and tells his mother that
he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old
daughter.
Little Kevin's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are
bound to be curious about 5ex at that age."
"Curious about 5ex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding
behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
 
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