Wasn't sure if we posted a thread dedicated to Rodney Dangerfield.
So RIP Rodney. Your movies make me
No Rodney, No I'm the Man!!!
So RIP Rodney. Your movies make me
No Rodney, No I'm the Man!!!
Rodney is the Man
- Thread starter DarbysDad
- Start date
Gibba
Member
Here are some of his one-liners..........
1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
5. it¹s been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I¹m afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don¹t know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I¹d get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; what¹s wrong with me?" He said..."I don¹t know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him EGYPT because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
Plus
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot.
The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!"'
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."
"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out; my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?"'
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ...
and no one showed up."
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names -- hers and her mother's."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."
I went to my doctor the other day. You know my doctor? Dr. Vinny Boombatz. He told me I was having some heart problems. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, "OK, you're ugly too."
I asked my dentist what I should do about my yellow teeth. He said to wear a brown tie.
1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
5. it¹s been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I¹m afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don¹t know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I¹d get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; what¹s wrong with me?" He said..."I don¹t know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him EGYPT because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
Plus
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot.
The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!"'
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."
"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out; my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?"'
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ...
and no one showed up."
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names -- hers and her mother's."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."
I went to my doctor the other day. You know my doctor? Dr. Vinny Boombatz. He told me I was having some heart problems. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, "OK, you're ugly too."
I asked my dentist what I should do about my yellow teeth. He said to wear a brown tie.
Gibba
Member
Scott - I'm not sure if I got an answere from you. Do you really like No Doubt? I saw them twice and they were really good. The first time was with Fishbone now that rocked.
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